His usual way of working

"Have none of you ever noticed, in your own lives, that whenever God is going to give you an enlargement and bring you out to a larger sphere of service, or a higher platform of spiritual life, you always get thrown down? That is His usual way of working! He makes you hungry before He feeds you! He strips you before He robes you! He makes nothing of you before He makes something of you!" -- Spurgeon (via)

just my toes is not enough

found a thought provoking quote at another blog...

"This is my endlessly recurrent temptation: to go down to that Sea (I think St. John of the Cross called God a sea) and there neither dive nor swim nor float, but only dabble and splash."

--C. S. Lewis, "A Slip of the Tongue," in The Weight of Glory, page 187.

for me i feel this endless fatigue, like i want so much to get in the water, but can barely get my toe in the water before i collapse, and try to be content with the little when i want so much more....

and i try, over and over, to work up the energy to just slide down into the water, but i only manage to get close enough to dip my toe in the water...

so often i identify with the man at the pool of bethesda...

John 5:2 Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. 3 In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. 4 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.

5 Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, “Do you want to be made well?”

7 The sick man answered Him, “Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming, another steps down before me.” (nkjv)

instead of blaming the man for not getting into the pool, not trying harder, not believing, or 'failing to recieve' healing, Jesus in His compassion just heals him.

so often people say, lynne, stop identifying with your illness, get going! stop agreeing with the enemy by sitting there, get into that pool!

i can only imagine the hunger in that man after 38 years. 38 years desiring healing. 38 years desiring to do what needs to be done. 38 years of trying and failing. 38 years of it being out of reach of his abilities. 38 years of the promise of healing being so close... yet so far.

Jesus didn't blame the man for not getting into the pool; instead, Jesus brought the 'pool' of healing - Himself - to the man.

He, the One with the power in His very words to create and heal, spoke to the man the ability to get up. the man did not have that ability until Jesus spoke it to him.

i think so often we forget that. God has a timing in store, and holds no blame, impatience, or frustration with us while we are struggling before that time. in our frail state, the only ability we have is what He gives us. to often we are trying to pull up our bootstraps, and then feel condemned because there are no bootstraps to be found!!!

continuing the verse:

8 Jesus said to him, “Rise, take up your bed and walk.” 9 And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.

notice the man was made well before he took up his bed. Jesus didn't demand that he take up his bed in order to obtain healing! ...any more, i suspect, than God expects us to do the impossible before He anoints us to do it. ...in any area or facet of life.

Matthew Henry said about this:

"Arise, and walk. God's command, Turn and live; Make ye a new heart; no more supposes power in us without the grace of God, his distinguishing grace, than this command supposed such power in the impotent man: it was by the power of Christ, and he must have all the glory. What a joyful surprise to the poor cripple, to find himself of a sudden so easy, so strong, so able to help himself! The proof of spiritual cure, is our rising and walking."

-- Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary (source) (emphasis mine.)

so here i am, in desperate spiritual hunger, desperate to slide into the water so deeply that i am totally immersed... but barely getting my toes wet.

and i want so much more.

burden = guilt?

"Any concern too small to be a prayer is too small to be a burden." -- Corrie ten Boom

hmm. so why do i always feel so guilty for bringing small things to God in prayer, as tho 'i'm sorry God i feel a burden here, i'll do better and try to manage it, i know it shouldnt be a burden, i'm sorry to bug You..."....?????

ridiculous!!!

if you are His, you love the poor. period.

a good challenging word.

Tim Keller: The Gospel and the Poor: A Case for Compassion from Here's Life Inner City on Vimeo.

suicide

"The stake is this: True Christians can commit suicide. Or to put it another way: There is nothing unique or peculiar about the final act of life that makes it determinative in validating or nullifying our salvation. Or let me say it another way: The final season of faith with all its battles and failures is not the only season of faith that will bear witness in the Last Day that we were born again. " - John Piper.

(read it in it's full context here.)

yes.

one ordinary man following after God...

C. J. Mahaney - Study Video from Together for the Gospel (T4G) on Vimeo.

chonda pierce - comedy, christianity, and depression

iCovet

either or, or both. (eh, i can dream can't i?)

yes, two different books, both using the same classic image.

images link to amazon.

clinging

re: difficulty and suffering: He designed it that way... so we are like small, tired, weather beaten birds that can do nothing but cling.

the worst kind of nighttime cough

this may be too much information, but i do have a point (aside from whining).

i've discovered the worst kind of nighttime cough to wake up in the middle of the night with:

coughing through the aftereffects of having vomited in your sleep.

the entire upper respiratory tract BURNING.

i felt whiny and ripped off - what with the pain and disrupted sleep and all - until i remembered: this can't have happened 'by accident'. this isn't an 'oops' that slipped by Jesus' notice.

no... i am awake, at 4:05 am, in pain and with a horrid taste in my mouth, because of God's sovereign hand.

meaning it's for my benefit and God's glory.

hmm.

what *are* You up to in this, Lord...? You awe me.