i Yam a Blue Yam Tonite

aaam i bluuuuuueeee...? yup. i yam a bit blue tonight.

... i got into a bit of a tiff with someone on some forums, becuase i got cranky.... i got cranky at/on/to a person who rubs me the wrong way.

it wasn't right to get mad. i apologized. it's done.

but at the same time i'm frusterated.... why, oh why, do we have personalities that just don't mesh sometimes? why is it that a person can seem SO rude.... and while everyone else successfully ignores it, i can't?

i think it comes down to having a flesh nature, having old war wounds, and maybe being the sensitive, polite canadian that i am. ;)

God always allows pricking to occur in an area we need to work on, doesn't He? and i know a huge area for me is rejection. if i feel like someone's mocking me, watch out. if i feel like someone's putting me down, watch out.

i am thankful that God uses friends - and potential friends - to mold me, shape me, polish me.... as iron sharpens iron.... i'm thankful, even tho it's not fun.

today i was sick, spent the whole day sprawled out in front of the computator.... maybe i been online too long, cuz i'm drained, mentally, emotionally..... i feel a bit messed. i don't seem to be able to extend grace towards others when i feel like this.

and that's how He brings us to Himself - we run dry, we come to Him. He redeems even a dreary day like today. oh, how i love my Jesus.

time to go spend some time at His feet!

Promise Pride

Fear and Guilt in the Church

Apologetics Index - An Examination of Kingdom-, Dominion-, and Latter Rain Theology - this page of a great article shows how in so many ways fear and guilt has made it's way into the church. yup, yup, yup.

it's refreshing to read something that says what i feel.... although i have never been one to point out any one particular 'type' of church... it's just everywhere.... *sigh* if i didn't know that my Jesus has a plan and a purpose for allowing all this, i would feel like there was no hope for the body of Christ at large..... but i DO.

God has a purpose and a plan.... and ultimately, He is gonna shake all.... everything that can be shaken will be shaken!!!! at what is not built on Him will not stand!!!!!

i think it's important for us to look at our own individual faith, and examine what we believe against the scriptures, regularly... and root out gunk like fear and guilt from our hearts.

i get so mad when i see the schemes of the enemy at work in christians.... we need to wise up, folks....

if after doing a thorough examination of scriptures, and you still believe what you believe, great. it's most likely true, or something that God will correct in His time. but LOOK at what you believe. EXAMINE it. BE BEREANS.

the Word of God is a powerful weapon... be sure you know how to use it.

don't just listen to other folk and go, 'oh really, i didn't know that was in the bible!?!' .... maybe it is, maybe it isnt... maybe it is, but taken out of context.... have you looked it up? studied it out?

we gotta put on our thinking caps, folks.... God gave us a brain for a reason.

Today..... Today is a Tuesday....

List everything you accomplished today, no matter how small.
[from Daydreaming on Paper]

hmm....

• got out of bed before 11 am;
• wrote a loo0o0ng reply to a forum thread about who is heir to the promise(but it was mostly scripture);
• checked my email;
• chatted with mom (that's a treasure these days);
• read a whole bunch o' blogs;
• got rid of about 20 extraneous browser tabs i had open;
• writing this, hoping to be encouraged by it.
  

not a whole lot, but it's only 1 pm. only been up like 2 1/2 hours..... besides, my goal is quality, not quantity!!!!!

i'll follow this up, since it's so early in the day, for some goals for today:

• go for a walk (i missed it yesterday);
• have some quiet time reading my bible - not online!;
• listen to sundays sermon again;
• get dressed (been too hot to get dressed in the morning when i'm still upstairs);
  
• go to town to get some needed stuff;
• do a little de-junking;
• pay some bills (yuck);
  
• fellowship with my hippie buds online, and let God use me as He may;
• call a friend or two on the phone;
• write blog entries when i get a spark;
  
• find out when cell is this week - ie, make sure it's not tonight... and if it is, go!
  

i'm 'stress-intolerant' so to speak, so i have to keep things pretty low key.... i trust God that my productivity online makes up for my lack of it in the 3D-realm.....

Your Perspective, my Perspective...

Doulogos: A matter of perspective... - i thought it cool that i cam upon this post after sharing somewhat on how we should not let division occur between us when we see things differently. it has a fun thing to do with a picture.... and it's a good read.

What is Wrong with Schools Today, Anyway?

HippieMommy.com - Post details: The psychopathic school - this is one kickin' blog post. a well articulated treatise on what's wrong with schools in this day and age.

one thing she mentioned is that pretty much none of our talents were taught us in school. it may have enhanced them, but didn't teach them. and i'm like, yeah, that's true.

in fact, in areas that i was talented in, i was held back by the limitations set by schools.

what i learned from school is that you have to be there, if you aren't for a legitimate reason, you are still penalized, and kids can make your life a living hell and those in authority will do nothing to help you.

public schools come from the pit of hell.

well, ok, maybe it's not that bad for everybody, but it was for me.

i am going to homeschool, if i ever have kids. i WILL homeschool. i'm trusting God that i'll be able to. because He wants better for our kids. He wants for my kids more than i can dream or image that i want for my kids. .....cuz He is a good Dad.

Restoring One Caught in Sin - Gently

TulipGirl: Restoring Gently and Carrying Burdens - AN AWESOME POST!!!! read it!

i am amazedi finally found it again... i had read this post by the lovely tulip girl, and didn't bookmark it, and then looked and looked and looked and couldn't find it..... and now i did! out of the blue!!!! go figure.

anyways.... the scripture tells us that if we know of someone caught in a sin, we who are spiritual should restore him gently.... watchin ourselves, to make sure we are not tempted.... and carry each others burdens..... and this is how we fill fulfill the law of Christ. (galatians 6:1-2).....

if we see a guy in church hitting a girl, we would pull him aside, i'm sure... and talk to him.. why are you doing that? what happened? love on him.... calm him down.... help him see the error of his ways, speaking the truth in love.

we wouldn't haul him into the other room and yell at him, would we? and if he started pulling away from us, are we going to hollar some more? we wouldn't march him over to the person he struck and make him say 'i'm sorry' to the person he hit, when he's so mad himself he can't have really come to a place of repentance? and if he refused, would we harshly tell him he's being a very bad man and is disappointing his parents? we wouldn't drag him by the scruff of his neck into the bathroom, yell at him some more, pull down his pants and spank him, would we?

....so why would we treat children so harshly?

"if someone is caught in a sin....restore him gently..."

12 Material Possessions

If you were only allowed to have 12 material possessions, what would they be and why?
[from Daydreaming on Paper]

one has to wonder how they came up with the number 12? oh well, here goes:

1. my bible. yup, that's #1.
   
2. a computer with internet connection (preferable to a notebook and pen).... a necesarry adjunt to the bible!
   
3. a sleeping bag... for warmth.
4. a tent... well, a roof over my head, preferably with heat.
5. my asthma puffers.
6. toothbrush and toothpaste. (a symbiotic duo!)- to avoid decay and thrush from the asthma puffers. and not rank out anyone i try to whisper the love of God too....
   
7. an unscented, chemical-free bar of soap. for cleanliness that does not cause me asthma.
   
8. a deodorant rock. to avoid stinking....out of consideration for others.
   
9. washcloths and towels... (another symbiotic duo).
   
10. at least one change of clothes... so no-one has to see me neked while i launder (somehow) the first change.... and least until someone needs my other change, that is!
    
11. a pair of shoes, so my feet don't get worn out and infected from walking barefoot all the time.
12. a coat.
    
13. a hat to avoid sunburns-i'm fairly fair.
    
14. sunglasses - my eyes are often sensitive to the light. hey, it's either that, or a bottle of tylenol for my sinus woes....
    

i got fairly serious about this list.... probably becuase sometimes i want to pare down to this kind of extreme... things get overwhelming and i want to go move into a tent and get away from the world. live like a bird of the air or a lily of the field... no worries about food or clothes... trusting God.

i wonder if, when having material possessions, it is possible to learn to trust God to that degree.... well, all things are possible with God. and there are probably many people who have had no material possessions to speak of that never get to that level of trust with Him.... but it makes me wonder that if a person went reaalllyy minimalistic, 'zen' so to speak, a person would be more free to walk and talk with Him.... and get to know Him and trust Him at that deeper level....

i know someone who i went and had coffee with sometimes a ways back.... he had very, very few possessions.... an apartment with it's usual appliances (f/s); a coffee maker; table and chairs; some dishes and cutlery; a broom; an old couch; and old coffee table; an old tv on an old tv stand. (didn't see his bedroom). i think he had a vacuum.

what was striking is that he didn't have any knick knacks, no magazines, books (except his bible), plants, decorations, photo albums, miscellaneous kitchen gadgets...... oddly, oddly empty. and yet.... refreshingly 'clear'... a blank slate, no chaos, nothing to get disordered.... simple.

and sometimes i long for that..... a quiet, empty environment, just me and God. no distractions, no endless mess, nothing....except God.

now, i know i need people in my life - God calls us to that. so some basic necessities for 'entertaining' would be good. and i know we're not called to monastacism or anything like that either.... i guess i can just relate to john the baptist right now - i'd rather be out in the forest eating natural found foods and trusting God for provision. and in laboring to gather berries, pick edible roots, etc, discipline my soul towards Him.....

yet i know i shouldn't *need* to leave the world to get that relationship with Him. i *should* be able to do it now. but sometimes i feel like i've had enough of the 'societal norms' that bring along ties to material things: dinner, having to do dishes; tv, and paying the phone bill; car, and the gas that needs to go in it.

just give me my cavewoman outfit, a cave, and i'll be happy.

..... or would i?

the Way to God?

Religion is not the way to God.

Christianity is not the way to God.

Jesus Christ is the only way to God.

~source unknown~

If i Knew No Fear...

If you knew no fear, what things would you attempt to do?
[from Daydreaming on Paper]

if i knew no fear, i would actually try to go and hike mt. edziza provincial park... which would mean getting into shape, training for days of hiking and tenting, and learning survival skills, becuase man, that place is ISOLATED. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would call up my pastor and say, hey, i got a song to sing on sunday, is that kewl, can i do? ... regardless of how 'well' i play guitar. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would be more comfortable around people i am not close to. cuz i wouldn't care what they think of me, how i talk, how i sound when i talk, etc. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would get my license and drive down to the island to visit a new friend... and i would drive by myself. (eek!) but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would get up and prophesy in church a lot more than i do.... i ususally take too long to work up my guts and miss it. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would go to my doctor and say, i want to go off all my meds...with or without your help. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would take up rollerblading... i used to LOVE rollerskating as a kid. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would go get my tattoo in a heartbeat. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would go up to single guys and at least try to get to know them. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would allow myself to consider moving north. i would allow myself to ask God if that's what He want's for me. but... i am afraid.

if i knew no fear, i would fully LIVE.

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived."
[~Fran, in the movie Strictly Ballroom.]