a nugget in my heart

there is a place i love to go, a boat launch under a railroad bridge along a river. i went there as a child many times when i was hurting, with mom, and cried my heart out.

for many years i didn't go there, but now, as a maturing, adult woman, i go again to that place, as a place to spend time with God.

a few weeks ago i was there, praying about a dream i had, wondering if i should go to a certain someone and talk to them about it. i saw a seal pop its head out of the water a few times, so i threw a fleece before God: i don't know what to do, Lord, so if you really do intend for me to go to this person, confirm it by having the seal pop it's head out of the water again.

for the next while i sat there, thinking, what a stupid fleece, that seal's stuck it's head out of the water how many times now?- and i use that as a fleece? it should be something more obvious.

well, the seal never did stick it's head out of the water again.

so today, after having a blast this afternoon, and needing some quiet time with God, i went and watched the river. i felt like i didn't know what to ask God, so i just sat there, silent, watching the water. a train went by.... then a passenger train. and i thought of how i was a woman sitting in a lonely place, on my own, and how i have a tendency to feel scared... but i shouldn't, becuase Jesus is right there beside me, stronger than any protective daddy, bigger than any big brother, stronger and safer than the arms of any lover. and He's sitting right there beside me. and i started writing about Him, Who is there beside me, so that even when i am on my own, i'm not alone....

and i mulled over my day, i mulled over what i've read recently, i mulled over the beauty of the Lord. and i recalled something somebody said to me recently, and my heart quickened - could it be, Lord? .... and i laid it at His feet. i said, i will be like mary, and tuck it away in my heart, and leave it in God's hands. and if it's from God, it will be proven out in time.

and i glanced up out the windshield, and there in the river, right where my eyes landed, a seal head popped up out of the water.

i watched the water for a while longer, watching for the seal to pop up for air, it has to breathe, right? but it didn't. maybe it swam into the portion of the river that is in eyeshot, popped up it's head for me to see, just once, at that exact moment, and swam out away again around the corner. or maybe it was a seal that manifested itself according to the will of God at that exact moment... and then disappeared. either way.... synchronicity at it's finest.

but there are no coincidences.... no random molecules - or seals - in the entire universe.... only God.

whether it is something that will come to pass, i don't know, that's up to God. but to me, God confirmed that i should tuck it away in my heart, file it for later, and leave it safely in His hands. and so i will.

a nugget in my heart.