ashes to ashes

everything i do
is still wrapped up in you -
your hopes - your dreams - your fears -
Life According To You.

living day to day,
its you who's paved my way -
your goals for me control me,
- it's for freedom i am free! -
but your
- glue -
it never leaves me,
my companion every day -
it never leaves me free
- it's for freedom i am free! -
to be just me,
little ol' me,
me in Jesus' way.

these ropes around my ankles,
were a gift to me, from you -
wrapped around, with knotted bow,
and tied in place by you -
and always and forever,
to be denied by you .

you tell me, oh just do it,
you say i have the skills!
- there's no reason i can't do it,
- if i only just believe -
- just set my mind to do it...
- and surely i'll succeed.

i try, i trip, i fall, i fail,
tangled in these ropes -
- but it's my very own fault,
- because, i'm sure you see,
- i didn't try quite hard enough,
- i didn't 'just believe'.

my grieving is a rending wail,
yet you tell me what to feel...

don't i bother crying
tears do me no good
- no one else will help me -
- for everyone's my enemy -
only you believe in me
you only want the best for me
- there's no rope around my ankles -
- what am i talking about! -
you only want the best for me
your love for me is pure, you see
- when the time comes i will be more than able -
- to live, wash dishes, or set the table -
don't worry about it for now
you'll do it for me, again
- i'll figure it out on my own
- when i have to, later, then.

......."how could you be mad at her?
......."think of all she's done for you,
......."think of how she's taken care of you,
......."how even now she's providing for you..."

so again i get up, and try to live,
your standards and goals hanging over my head -
i must live - right now - i must live - today -
independent - all alone - it must be this way.

i run, i trip, i fall, i wail,
my imaginary ropes around my ankles-
- every moment that i live
- i'm still wrapped up in you
- you tell me how to live and think
- and how to be like you.

it's true, each moment,
you are in my head -
you've succeeded there,
and you're proud, i'll bet!
but guess what, you're not my god -
you're just the jones' in my head!
so shut your rotten mouth -
and shove your rules of lead -
cuz ashes to ashes -
dust to dust -
you - are - friggin' - dead!

*******

me - 9/24/08
(1st draft, anyhoo)