i am just done in

after two weeks of avoidance of the old place, i've looked at the calender and divvied up the weeks as such:

i have two weeks (less two days now) in which to absolutely empty the old place (all of which *i* have to do, with a bit of help from some friends thankfully, and a TON from GOD!!!!!)..... and then ONE WEEK in which to complete a massive cleaning list mandated by my landlord/the tenancy act (if i don't do it, i'll owe the government my damage deposit)..... for which i just don't think i can be there. ....i mean, the chemical cleaning products on top of the mould? it would be stupidity for me. which means turning to others for help. which is hard. i don't want to see anybody else have to step foot in there either..... but my energy is gone, my strength is kaput, and getting though each day is a miracle of God's strength in itself. and He says, reach out.

i'm also going to talk to my aunt and uncle about maybe paying some people if need be... i just don't know if they will go for it. money is still pretty tight.

i'm gonna strip down.... meaning, all upholstered stuff that has ever been at the old place - GONE. including my bed where i spend 8 hours of my day breathing the contaminated dust and the air that squishes in and out of the fibres as i move around in my sleep. i slept on the floor a for almost two years a few years back, i can do it again for a time if need be.

i've painstakingly washed every other bit of fabric - linens, clothes - that have come into my new house.... why should i let the furniture stay? becuase it's expensive to replace? hey, God supplies. where is my faith? saying i can't get rid of my contaminated bed becuase it's too expensive to buy a new one is NOT walking in faith!!!!! my Daddy God is the richest Daddy in the universe, period!

*the following is my opinion and experience, and i exercise my right to share it*:

i hope and pray NOBODY moves into that place. i truly believe that it's ruined my health, much of my belongings are contaminated, and my most recent neighbours there were there for less than a year were desperate to get out due to the air quality in that building. and we were not the only ones to complain. numerous comments have been made to all the tenants of how our clothes smelled, etc.

seriously, it should be condemned.

i always wanted to get an inspector in there, some AQ tests done for documentation... but all that required $$$ we didn't have.... so we lived with it. i'd have looked in the attic sometime if i had a hazmat suit (there's an entry to the attic in my unit) but i was not stupid enough to do that without one... so we lived with it. mom was in the basement a couple times, and she said the smell was overwhelmingly disgusting. it was bad enough when i could smell it wafting up from the open basement door. but we lived with it. (mom always said it's not necessarily a good idea to leave - becuase you can jump from the frying pan into the fire... but i'm living in a home with zero zip zilch mould... where was the faith in that?)

maybe this sounds a bit dramatic, 'could it really be that bad?'

it's a physically attractive and nicely laid out building, on a great lot. so it's appealing, to be sure!!!!

when i moved in, i assumed, in good faith, that the dank, stale air was from being unoccupied for several months.

but the smell never went away - it just got worse. i think brand new carpets offgassing both contributed to my asthma AND overpowered and thus disguised the severity of the musty smell for quite some time.

and i'm sure the next occupant will, in good faith, assume the smell is becuase the previous tenant was a bad housekeeper or some such.

but it's structurally unsound, and unsafe, in my opinion. i've been told that apparantly there is a lack of vapour barriers between the ground and living areas, and bathroom fans that vent into the attic, where the moisture stays.... and mould grows. i never saw any on my walls or anything (other than usual stuff on damp windows)... but you smell it. it gets into EVERYTHING. i have had at least two professionals i am aquainted with in the construction industry comment that how this place was built is a disaster, using cheap materials, poor design, and well below (current) code standards.

definately an UN-healthy house.

i manifested outright asthma for the first time in my life after living there for only about a year. now, i go over there for an hour or two, my breathing goes downhill. sometimes in only minutes i have an asthma attack.

everyday i dread having to go back there and rescue what i can of my stuff.

all my fountains are in Him. all my fountains are in Him. all my fountains are in Him. ... i have to keep telling myself that. not in my possessions, not in my health. i lay it all at His feet, for i know He has His purposes in all this.

nonetheless, i am so looking forward to the last day of march... handing over the keys, and being done with it, once and for all.

maybe for my sanity i should just empty it out and leave the cleaning for the landlords to deal with. their mouldy building, their problem.

screw the damage deposit. God will make a way. how's that for faith? rofl