Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010


right now i'm feeling like a bit of a cheater, or a scam artist. those aren't the right words, really, but those are the only ones i can think of at the moment.

see, i have huuuggee hunks of time in my life that i have few to no memories of. there is good reason for that, i know. but it means that things like, whatever happened to one of my best friends in high school? i don't know. i've met up with her again as an adult; but i feel like a fake or a fraud because there is so much i have NO CLUE as to what went on. and i haven't asked, either, because i don't know what it might bring up, for either of us. so for now, it's a mystery.

so i'm sad and wistful that i can't connect that time to my friend now.

and, though i know it's not a logical feeling, i feel like a fraud.


just a snippet

courtesy my bud in the pink/red blouse.  i'm in the bandanner. :)


Sunday, November 28, 2010

this is about where i stand

andrew strom has a very balanced view of the supernatural; he holds the truth in tension here quite well, i think.

cheezy theatrical music at the start, lol, but otherwise solid and informative stuff.

what i don't understand is why more people don't just say outright, that is NOT God.

i think it may be lingering fear from that whole wave of 'touch not mine anointed' teaching that ran its way through the church at large.... fizzled out in some places (like my church, thankfully) but is in full influence in others.... and in individuals in various places and ways.

one thing i strive to keep in mind constantly, is that our battle is not against flesh and blood.  many people who are in this movement sincerely love God... and i do believe He will bring them out, in His timing.

because i've been to close to the fire myself, i hate that whole realm of deceptive supernatural evil, and i tend to instinctively lash out against anything -- and anyone -- that has even a whiff of this.  my very definite, fleshly, carnal BAD.  there you go, my confession for the day... uh, hour.  no, minute.   ....God, keep working in me on this.

and in the meantime, i need to remember that for myself, what ever is not of faith is sin.  and that i can not allow myself to compromise and come down on myself for my conviction in this area.

Romans 14:2 One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. 3 Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. 4 Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

and this is one 'bread' i cannot, in good conscience, partake of.


too much information

whine, whine, moan, and lament.

it seems i'm always in pain in some way shape or form!

i've had a few people ask me why i'm always so tired and stuff, so i thought i'd post a little update on my blog.

the thing is, it's still a big unknown.

the intestinal issues started, i think, a couple years ago... i had some kind of infection (undetermined) that, after multiple rounds of antibiotics, needed an anti-parasitic drug to clear up.

last summer (09) i had pain and diarrhea for so long i wound up in the hospital for 5 days on IV.

the last year or so i've been taking an anti-spasmodic drug to reduce the pain in  my intestines.

the last few months i've been having more and more problems with pain, digestion, and end-of-digestive-tract  issues (hows that for a euphamism?), and this summer my doc referred me for a colonoscopy.

i had that a week and a half ago, and in a week and a half i see the surgeon again for follow-up.

i'm hoping for news. :)

i'm also trying not to draw inferences from things like, the doctor did not speak to me after the colonoscopy, the nurse just told me to call for a follow up (so what does that mean? do i have a clean colonic bill of health? huh!? then why am i so sick? now what?~!) .... but, the nurses also didn't say to me 'everything went great' as they did to the 2 or 3 other people who had the same procedure earlier in the afternoon while i was waiting for mine (conspicuously silent?  what does that mean? there's no good news? no immediate treatment? do i have stage 4 inoperable cancer and they just wanted me to live out the next three weeks of my life without anxiety, and then when i finally see the doc, he'll tell me there's nothing they can do?)  LOL see where inferences get you? NOWHERE!!!!

i'm guessing it's going to fall somewhere between those two extremes, lol.

but actually, of those two extremes, the first one is more worrisome for me.  continuing pain, lack of answers, no end in sight? *sigh*  ...however i do know that God is gracious, and as my day is, so my strength shall be.  that no 'ill' can befall me except that which He has ordained.  which brings great peace even within the turmoil.  (i feel sad for those who believe satan is a wild card and ruins health etc on his whim outside of the ordinance of God.  it is such an insecure place to be.)

and frankly, my life has had much pain, and while i have many great gifts from God in my life, i feel very old, and ready to go home.  my 'stress age' according to one quiz had me over 60 years old (or was it 70? i forget), not the 36 of my physical body... if that tells you anything about my stressful life.  this body has endured much.  i'm physically and emotionally worn out.  to be present in the body is to be absent from the Lord.... so in a sense, this body is 'keeping me from' Him... and oh, how i long to be present with Him.  indeed, i don't have a lot of 'investment' in this world; it is a vapor, vanity, and a chasing after the wind, aside from what God purposes.

and when God's purposes for me are done (none left incomplete) then and only then will i go home, at God's appointed time.  joy.

i do so look forward to that...!


Friday, November 26, 2010

revelling in the revelation of God's truth

someone who grew up believing they were worthless... REVELS in the revelation that Christ gives them worth.
someone who grew up believing they were better than everyone else REVELS in the revelation that they are nothing special (what a relief).

someone who grew up believing they were incapable REVELS in the revelation that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them.
someone who grew up believing they were supremely capable of being perfect in and of themselves REVELS in the revelation that they are naked, poor, blind, and weak without Christ.

my point is that we need to be sensitive to what other peoples big revelation is, because it can be hard to understand why something is BIG to them, especially if its 'opposite' to our big revelations.  and we try to be helpful and encouraging, and 'balance' them out. and in so doing, we can diminish or unwittingly undermine their revelling in that truth.... make that BIG truth seem smaller, and take some of the joy of it away from them.

what's your big revelation of God's truth that you REVEL in? and why? and how to people try to 'temper' your revelling? and how does it affect you?

i REVEL in the truths that i am naked, poor, blind, weak.... that my righteousnesses are filthy rags... that without God i can do nothing. the reason? i grew up in a very elitest, 'more capable than thou' environment. and now? in Christ, i can REST, and don't have to strive. yeah. ....people try and temper what they see as 'defeatist' by saying, 'but Lynnie, you CAN do all things in Christ who strengthens you!!!!!' (which i hear as 'do do do, pull up your bootstraps, get on with it -- strive!!!', which echoes my childhood messages. and diminishes my joy and rest.)

i would be interesting in your thoughts/stories... please feel free to comment!!! :)




Tuesday, November 16, 2010


this is WHACK theology.

NO.  its BY grace (the means)  THROUGH faith (the channel that brings it to us) which is a GIFT not of ourselves lest we boast.

saved BY grace, and grace alone.  not grace + faith.  not a mixture.

the deciding factor in my salvation is not my faith.  nope.  it's a gift.  the FAITH is provided for me.

what this guy is preaching is works.  if i was in a church preaching this, i'd walk out.

this is so entrapping it makes me angry.


Monday, November 15, 2010

imputed love

i've long understood that God took my sin and gave me Christ's righteousness.

but i always felt like, so He 'has' to accept me... but why would He love me?

there's nothing in me to love.  not one iota.

so this has blown me away....

He exchanged the hatred that i deserve, for unending love that i don't.

no, i don't deserve it.  not in the least.

but He imputed it to me.... so it's mine.



Saturday, November 06, 2010

i can't.... He can.

i needed to hear this today... thank You, Lord.


Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Christ ALONE

because i'm a boring single childless stay-at-home do nothing (not really, but that's how i feel sometimes) i listen to a TON of online sermons, and find a LOT of really good ones. this, i'm sure, is in the top 5 i've heard. al mohler jr at capitol hill baptist on reformation day... on Christ ALONE. amazing. http://www.capitolhillbaptist.org/audio/2010/11/reformation-sunday/


Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter