Thursday, April 30, 2009

i believe You, Lord

i trust You, Lord,
so i will believe You

You say we have not because we ask not,
so if we ask, we will have

when i cry out to You, do You hear me?
i believe You do, for You say You hear all prayers
when i ask for wisdom, do You give it?
i believe You do, for You say You give it freely

when i ask You for the bread of life, do You bring it to me?
i believe You do, for You say You will not give me a stone
when i cry out for Your Spirit, do You send Him to me?
i believe You do, for You say You will not give me a serpent

when i ask for guidance, will i trust You to bring it?
i will believe You, Lord, even when it not what i expected You to say
when i ask for peace, will i trust it as coming from You?
i will believe You, Lord, even when it comes when i don't understand it

do i *really* believe
that You use the foolish,
redeem the unredeemable,
love the unlovable,
speak to the deaf,
move the unmovable,
touch the insensitive,
and gently lead Your sheep?,
i trust You, Lord

and do i believe that You are sovereign
control my destiny
designed my path
can protect my walk
and will lead me in the way everlasting?
i believe You, Lord

so why do i question You, when what You say seems to me to be
do i really believe You *then*, Lord?

i believe You, Lord
and help me in my unbelief

when i cry out to You
over and over
and only hear one answer
but it's not what i expect or understand
help me to trust that it is You
help me to walk it in
help me to trust Your voice
help me to believe You completely
because You have given me many reasons to do so.

help me trust You, Lord
for i believe You.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009


recognize the melody? hmmm....
has a good ending. :)


Monday, April 27, 2009

finish the sentence

did this 'about me' survey on facebook, and i really like it. to do it, complete the sentence for each 'I ____' statement... i think i'll do it again and again, with different trains of thought! :)

I Am

I Want

I Have

I Wish
i was in heaven

I Hate

I Fear
a long, painful life

I Hear
that God has plans for me

I Search
for what they are

I Wonder
what the future holds

I Regret
that i am not more sure of my purpose

I Love

I Ache
to be in His arms

I Always
struggle with daily living

I Usually
manage by taking it day by day

I Am Not
giving up

I Dance
for my Jesus

I Sing
for my Lord

I Never
want to be without Him

I Rarely
cut loose

I Cry
cuz i feel trapped

I Am Not Always
walking in hope and purpose

I Lose
my perspective

I'm Confused
about life

I Need

I Should
try hard to not should all over myself

I Dream
of freedom


Saturday, April 25, 2009

a shopper

a new bag i whipped up last week, recycled cotton/acrylic yarn (quite stringlike) and copper curling ribbon. can't tell in the pics, but it's a bit blingy, in a matte kind of way.... has a black bag inside the bag, to add shape for the pics:

(click on pics to get a (bit of a) bigger version... )

anyone like it?


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

fell asleep too quickly - led to a realization

i went for a few months without using my c-pap machine at night - major claustrophobia hit, and i couldn't bear the thought of the ill-fitting mask over my face. :(

lately (for some strange reason - answered prayer?) the claustrophobia suddenly lifted, and i've been able use it again, and i thought maybe i noticed in the last couple weeks a bit of an improvement in how i was feeling... a bit more alert, less drowsy, a bit more energy....

well, last night i passed out before i put my mask on, and slept the night without it. and this morning....?

...i feel like CRAP. (i hate that word, so you know i feel *really* unwell if i use it!)

i had a very hard time waking up, had to go lay down after being up for only a couple of hours, and wound up falling asleep again, and sleeping for another couple hours or so, followed by great difficulty waking up *again*. arrrgh.

that's what happens, i guess, when your body is starting to get used to being oxygenated all night (the first few mornings i felt *high*!), and can sleep a full night without much interruption.... and then you suddenly have a night where you are oxygen deprived and continuously come partially awake to start breathing again and thereby get a really crappy sleep - at once overtired *and* oxygen deprived.

i *must* take my sleep apnea more seriously. srsly. i mean, really. the side effects of continued apnea (without proper treatment) are bad, outside of the obvious effects of sleep deprivation..... we're talking high blood pressure, cardiac arrhythmias, heart failure, heart attack, stroke.


i just really need to find a more comfortable mask....


the mad sourdough scientist

ok, so i've been mixing flour and water and milk and sugar to my little heart's content, feeling a bit like a creative, frenzied mad scientist. i LOVE IT!!!!!!

so, i don't have any pics here's a bad pic of my first EVER sourdough loaf, but i can tell you this.... it was a little smaller than i expected, dense, and extremely sour..... it was AWESOME!!!!!! it was also extremely filling.


i fed 4 starters today; a new loaf either tonight or tomorrow, i expect.



i need names for my starters..... i like 'oscar', but i think it would be confusing what with there being a real life *human* named oscar around, so..... more cool names!!!! list 'em!!!

oooh, it's like naming my first baby..... :')


Monday, April 20, 2009

collage meme

got this from facebook, and i REALLY like it. i hope a bunch o my friends do it too, i'd like to see what y'all come up with!!!! :D
- go to google image search
- type in your answer to each question
- choose a picture from the first page
- use this website ( to make your collage
- save the image for use in this note

1. what is your name?
2. what is your favourite food?
3. what is your hometown?
4. what is your favourite colour?
5. what is your favourite film?
6. what is your favourite drink?
7. what is your dream vacation?
8. what is your favourite dessert?
9. what is one word to describe yourself?
10. how are you feeling right now?
11. what do you love most in the world?
12. what do you want to be when you grow up?

(click to see full size)

(btw, the red cabbage is my fave of the pics that came up when i searched for 'quirky'~!!!)


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

who remembers these???

third post today... that's what happens when you do a lot of reading, lol!!!!

anyways, GIRLS ONLY.... who remembers these? ... i certainly do... its what i had my first few years of womanly life, before they disappeared totally from stores... and i preferred them over the stick-on ones, by far!!!!!

comment~! ...thoughts? ...memories? ...preferences? :)


mary had a little lamb

two posts in one day.... ooooh. it's been a while since i done that!!! :P

anyways, got this pic in an email today, i don't care much for how it winds up being a dogmatic 'lesson' of the mores of society... (click pick to see full size)

[oh, how i hate chain mail!!!!!]

...but i do like the idea of seeing the song 'mary had a little lamb' as a spiritual song, like i did for 'i'm a little teacup', way back in the day....

now, "mary had a little lamb" is purported to have been inspired by a real occurence of a child taking their pet lamb to school... no deep theological meaning evident or obvious.... here is the version as it was set to music in the 1830's (introducing repetition to the original poem; according to wikipedia, but i'm taking out the repitition, for ease of reading):
Mary had a little lamb
whose fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go.

It followed her to school one day
which was against the rules.
It made the children laugh and play
to see a lamb at school.

And so the teacher turned it out,
but still it lingered near,
And waited patiently about
till Mary did appear.

"Why does the lamb love Mary so?"
the eager children cry.
"Why, Mary loves the lamb, you know."
the teacher did reply.
how sweet!!!!

and how applicable it is to the love of the Lamb toward us, and His faithfulness....

but, He did love us LONG before we loved Him!!!!! ...however, He does not linger near (take up residence in our 'hearts') until we love Him, so it can still apply.

[...and when you look at the original poem and compare it to the version in the picture above, yes, the Lamb has been 'turned out' of school.... but He is still lingering very near, and waiting.... patiently... unperterbed by what to us can seem a horrible thing.... but He's still there, ever faithful to those He calls (and will call) His own.... and still very, very near. but BAH, i didnt' want to get into the political argument of the pic, so WHATEVA!!!! lol]


a 110% day

well, it feels like it to me, anyways. i feel 'amped'... so maybe instead of functioning at about 40% i'm running at 80% today? anyways, much more energy and oompha than i usually have. wish it would stay this way.... *pouts*

anyways, here's some things about today:
  • i fed my starter for amish friendship bread today, i'm so excited about it!!!! but i used demerera sugar instead of white sugar, i hope it turns out as yummy as it looks, the batter looks like chocolate milk! :D i want to take a cue from carol w. and name my starter.... i'll have to come up with something cool.... any ideas for a name for a runny glop of starter dough? lol
  • i went to a cooking class, cooked a chicken stew - which i think has healed me of my automatic *cringe* reaction when i think of the *s* word.... stew *is* a 4 letter word, you know... but this stew was REAL yummy, and not like the stews that turned me off stews forEVA, if you know what i mean..... i think the fact that it was *not* a beef stew was a big plus....
  • i talked with my rec worker today and we discussed doing some gardening for the warm months as our recreation project... so in the coming weeks, i should have some planters on my deck.... spinach, green onion, basil, chives, and cherry tomatoes were a few of the items we talked about.... whee!!!! i'm going to have a peek on payday at the patio sized greenhouse shelving units.... maybe there will be something on sale i could afford.....
  • i did something totally hairbrained today.... i was yakkin' on the phone with a friend, and i randomly noticed how long the hairs were on my legs, and without conscious thought, i picked up some nearby scissors and starting clipping away.... it wasn't long before i snipped a V into my leg, ouch.... not very big, but it bruised immediately, and the scissors were probably not very clean *sighs* WHERE WAS MY BRAIN?!? lol..... i put some peroxide and a bandaid on, so hopefully it will heal just fine....
  • i am on the hunt for a CAST IRON STOCK POT or CAST IRON DUTCH OVEN..... anybody want to toss their heavy anchor my way?.... i can't afford much, but i am totally willing to pay.... but a diamond crusted one would be a *tad* out of my league.....
  • maybe this is why i've got energy today... i've had two strong cups of coffee, where i haven't been drinking too much of it lately... two LARGE cups, with 3 teaspoons of instant coffee in each.... what can i say, i like my coffee potent!!!!! lol (and with a lot of milk... and demerera sugar, no white *&#^ for me!!!!)
  • i think i use lol FAR too often.... i should try the smileys for a change, eh? :D :D :D

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

siggy 2

ignore my question on transparancy and cropping.

here's to trial no. 2.


new signature!

giving it a go... made it here.


aarrgh. does anybody know how to modify (ie. i want to CROP) a .png image, and retain the transparancy....????? (i don't have anything fancy like photoshop)


wow, the origin of this phrase is pretty craftsy!!!!!
Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day for April 14, 2009


: thoroughgoing, uncompromising

Example Sentence
Having heard that Gloria's father was a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, Stewart told him about the time he met Ronald Reagan.

Did you know?
Early yarn makers would dye wool before spinning it into yarn to make the fibers retain their color longer. In 16th-century England, that make-it-last coloring practice provoked writers to draw a comparison between the dyeing of wool and the way children could, if taught early, be influenced in ways that would adhere throughout their lives.
In the 19th-century U.S., the wool-dyeing practice put eloquent Federalist orator Daniel Webster in mind of a certain type of Democrat whose attitudes were as unyielding as the dye in unspun wool. Of course, Democrats were soon using the term against their opponents, too, but over time the partisanship of the expression faded and it is now a general term for anyone or anything that seems unlikely or unwilling to change.
*Indicates the sense illustrated in the example sentence.

LOVE IT!!!! lol....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

amazing song

"All Around Me" by Flyleaf

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm still alive, I'm still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm still alive, I'm still alive, I'm still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry - holy
The light is white - holy
And I see you - holy

I am alive, I'm still alive, we're still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

u give 'chris-ti-ans' a baaad name

(murmured to the tune of the 'you give love a bad name' song from bon jovi.)

how some 'christians' react very badly to mistreatment - worse than the mistreatment itself... ie, some people decided to retaliate for repeated early morning wakenings (from 'witnesses') by bombing them with water balloons. water balloons! sheesh! and the reaction!!!! oy, no wonder people think christians are all hypocrites....

warning: considerable swearing. but worth the watch.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

i can't, He can

i forget sometimes, that it isn't up to me
i forget that it doesn't all depend on me
it doesn't all depend on my ability

i am like the man at the pool of bethesda
wanting healing, but unable
wanting to get into the pool, but unable
watching over and over as others make it in
and are healed

is it for me? i can imagine him wondering
is healing ever going to come?
how many times has it been suggested
that if he *really* wanted healing
he would have made it into the pool by now
somehow, some way

then Jesus comes and asks,
'do you want to be healed?'
i can imagine the guys frustration
i've been here 38 years, waiting, wishing, hoping
and now this guy asks if i really want to be healed?
is he going to say, get thee into that pool, then?

he cries out, 'look, i can't, alright!?
i got me no friends to help me in
i try, but someone always gets there before me
i been trying to find my way in for 38 years
whaddya think?!... i'm just here to enjoy the view?'

Jesus does not blink at the mans frustration
He does not chastise him for snapping
He does not rebuke him for feeling some bitterness
He does not say 'hey, you have to make the first move, man'...

He simple, in His sovereign timing, made him well.

is that going to be the case for me, too, Lord?
in your sovereign timing, will You make me well, too?
You know i can't get into the stirring waters myself
i can't
and You don't rebuke me for that simple acknowledgment of truth
that i can't...
but You can
and i give You glory

it is You who speaks life to my weary soul
it is You who who give value and purpose to my broken life
it is You who gets me through each drudging day
it is You who runs me through this race
and will see me to the finish
safe in Your mighty, loving arms.

[ref: John 5]

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

painfully accurate

..... how sweet it is.... to help those who did absolutely nothing to deserve their circumstances.....

(painfully accurate, sad to say...)

barbie is 50...?

or maybe just 30, and fat? lol... got this in an email today. took a cue from jenny and thought i'd post it. :)

(click to see full size)

black horse & the cherry tree

incredible. a one-woman-band. love how she samples herself on the fly....

Saturday, April 04, 2009


love this version by angus and julia stone. brilliant.

don't recognize it? here's the original.

not so radical recycling... but still cool.


i, like probably many in this universe, drink a lot of coffee. or tea. or some drink or another that needs to be stirred. and i don't want stains and stickies on my countertops.

so a while back i went and bought some cute teapot shaped melamine spoon/teabag rests. two red, and two blue.

but then, as many of you know, i have a big dislike for anything plastic or the like, so i found some glass canning jar lid liners, and love them to bits as spoon rests. and they have all different sorts of patterns pressed into the glass. vintage style recycling.

now, all my spoon rests seem to wind up in the dishwasher (yet to be washed) at the same time, and i run out. so recently i utilized something i think is neat and kinda pretty (and tend to hang on to for that reason, in some strange hope i'll make windchimes or some such with them, lol) - the lids from frozen juice concentrate. and they is a stylin' grey metal, sleek and modern spoon rests. just throw them in the dishwasher, is all i do!

a simple but cool recycle. very green.

i am the maven of 'green'. aaaah, yessss. *flips hair*


so.... anybody want the red and blue melamine tea-pot shaped ones? (two of each)
anybody from town is welcome to come pick them up, or i'll bring 'em to church. :)

i'm yours

Friday, April 03, 2009

on headaches and rude nurses

so, tonight i went to emerg. i walked. this is my highly irritated tale of woe.

i've had a headache and earache and faceache and eye pain and sinus pain niggling at me for a few days, but tonight it got SO much worse... along with a newly stiff and achy neck.

so, i looked things up on the handy dandy bchealthguide online symptom checker - provided, by the way, by the bc government to help people make wise decisions about seeking healthcare.

part of the effort to reduce unneeded visits to emerg and thus save money in the healthcare system. makes sense, right?

so, ok. under headache w/stiff neck and possible fever, this was my instruction:
Red "Yes"
You have answered "Yes" to a question that indicates you may need immediate care. Call your health professional now to discuss your symptoms and arrange for your care.
* Symptoms are likely to worsen without medical care.
* If you do not have a health professional, seek emergency care.
* Emergency transportation is not needed. However, if you are not able to travel safely either by driving yourself or having someone else drive you, call an ambulance.
You do not need to answer any of the other questions.

oy. lovely.

but not wanting to go to the hospital because, y'know, a website told me to, i looked up other stuff.

under facial pain with vision changes (blurring, halos) etc AND eye pain, this was my instruction:
Red "Yes"
You have answered "Yes" to a question that indicates you may need immediate care. Call your health professional now to discuss your symptoms and arrange for your care.
* Symptoms are likely to worsen without medical care.
* If you do not have a health professional, seek emergency care.
* Emergency transportation is not needed. However, if you are not able to travel safely either by driving yourself or having someone else drive you, call an ambulance.
You do not need to answer any of the other questions.

ooooo kkkkk.

dammit, i don't want to go to the hospital!!!! so i stubbornly look up something else hoping it will tell me i'm fine after all....

under eye problems with stiff neck and photophobia, this was my instruction:
Red "Yes"
You have answered "Yes" to a question that indicates you may need immediate care. Call your health professional now to discuss your symptoms and arrange for your care.
* Symptoms are likely to worsen without medical care.
* If you do not have a health professional, seek emergency care.
* Emergency transportation is not needed. However, if you are not able to travel safely either by driving yourself or having someone else drive you, call an ambulance.
You do not need to answer any of the other questions.

seeing a bloody pattern here? frig!

so i went. i bundled up and walked to the hospital.

nurse signed me in, took my temp, asked me questions, put me in bed 3.

after about a 20 minute wait, a dr walks in, asks me what's going on, i tell her my general symptoms... she looked at me, expressionless, and said, "you have the flu. those are flu-like symptoms. go home and go to bed. it's the flu."

i blinked... then said, "ok..... good to know....", the added, feeling a bit dumb, "y'know, the bchealthguide online site said to come get checked out".

she said, "it's the flu", and walked away.

this is where it gets bad. as i was putting on my sweaters to leave, i could hear the nurse laughing, and i heard her say sarcastically, "oh yeah, i would really love that job.... don't feel well? go to the hospital! get checked out! that would be quite the job, telling people to just go on down to the hospital and get it checked out...", more laughter.

and i walked out feeling utterly, utterly stupid.

i would cry, but darn, that would hurt my sinuses and eyes and head even more!!!!!!!!!

blast from the past..... amazing.

and this one.... phenomenal. i love the strumming and the back-up singing alternation effect.... brilliant.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

on wisdom

Who is like a wise man?
And who knows the interpretation of a thing?
A man's wisdom makes his face shine,
And the sternness of his face is changed.
~Ecclesiastes 8:1 nkjv
WOW. i flipped my bible open to where it had closed on another piece of paper and this is what my eyes landed on... and it just hit me, like WOW..... that is profound.

it ministers to me in so many ways!

for one, if someone has spoken to me what for all intents and purposes what 'wisdom', yet they came across sternly.... was it wisdom? personally, it speaks peace to places in my life where someone has said something 'wise' in sternness that honestly, before God, didn't sit right with me.... and here God says, in real wisdom, there is no sternness, only a glowing radiancy?!

also, there is also someone i have known in my life who seemed to be wise, even (if i dare say) thought themselves to be wise, but.... the sternness of their demeanor always seemed a direct dichotomy to their words.... how irritating. i read this passage over and over again, i began to pray that God's wisdom would change them from the inside out, and a true gentle wisdom would permeate their demeanor... and now... i feel less... 'urky' about them, and more compassionate. less irritated with them. ain't that funny? lol.

an.... of course, self application: how do i come across? if i feel like i 'know the interpretation of a thing', am i coming out with it sternly?'s pretty much like the passage about having all knowledge and wisdom but have not love i am nothing...... if i have wisdom - whether i think it's wisdom or it's really real wisdom - but have sternness.... am i killing the message? i think so. maybe if it the wisdom cannot be delivered without sternness, it's a good indicator NOW IS NOT THE TIME..... hmm. much food for thought.

the picture i have is... the face of a man shows his character, right? laugh lines, or frown lines? ...radiancy (and the lightness that would bring to the facial features), or 'stern' lines?


God knows where to tuck a 'bookmark' in my bible, lol!!!!!!!!

todays quotemeal fits with this (emphasis mine):
True religion is a union of God with the soul, a real
participation of the divine nature, the very image of God drawn
upon the soul, or in the apostle's phrase, it is Christ formed
in us.
-- Henry Scougal

Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter