Saturday, February 17, 2007

i want to go home

i don't feel so good tonight. i been at the old house for maybe a coupla hours, and i just want to go 'home' - to my nice new place.

it's already 'home'!

my chest feels tickly, and a bit tight now, and it was FINE before i got here.

two nights sleeping at the new place, and my breathing has gotten waayyy better.

i come here for a coupla hours, i feel like crap.

i can't wait to be done with this place.


well, i painted at the banquet last night, first time in a looooong time i've really painted anything artistically (text on banners doesn't count, lol!).... and it went well. i actually enjoyed it. *gasp*

the problem with me and art has been that he's been so pushy and snobbish of late....


the problem with me and art is that it is so emotional for me i wind up wanting to hack the piece up shortly after starting. last night it was like that for a little while, then it got better.

it doesn't usually get better! usually just worse.

so i think God's doing a healing there. since last night i've just wanted to paint and paint and paint!!!!!! lol.... but i have no canvasses at my new home yet.

maybe i will tonight...... ;)

i think the picture, a lady smiling (the 'bride of Christ' i wondered? ie. us?) was actually kinda prophetic for me.... cuz i actually came to a place of enjoying painting, and wanting to do it!

i had thought, what rotten timing, the same weekend as i'm moving... but last night as i was roaming around my as yet relatively empty home - nay, *dancing* around it - i realized i think it was God's way of showing me what His priorities were for me in my new home, my new life.

so it's going to be my studio/desert island - i can only bring what i would bring to a desert island, and nothing else.

well, i might be a *wee* bit more relaxed on that... but not much. i won't have the room for it!

Friday, February 16, 2007

talk about SWEAT!

man i worked hard last night. i packed up all my daily needs stuff and moved them to the new place BY MYSELF. when i opened the door to take the stuff out to the car it was POURING - i did it anyways. i was not going to spend another night breathing moldy air if i didn't have to!

what i took: a box of food, a box of cutlery/dishes etc, a laundry basket of clothes, a basket full of towels and hangers and such, my fireplace heater, a box of toiletries, my cd player.

i arrived with all this stuff at the new place about 10pm, unpacked everything but the fireplace, and was in bed by midnight.

i slept better than i have in ages, except for a headache.

today i unpacked the fireplace, and came to the old place to pack up some more stuff - food, dishes, pots and pans, laundry hamper full of clean clothes, and do to some laundry. i have about three hours to get all this stuff unpacked before i need to get ready for the dinner tonight, so i should boogie.

i'm utterly exhausted, but i feel good overall. but if i keep going this hard i'll prolly burn out so i need to be careful.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

crazy day

well...... i'm frazzled. well, no i'm not - frazzled suggests 'lost peace' in a way, and i'm feeling great in that regards. i've just been boogieing all day and i'm exhausted, and the end of my day is nowhere in sight!

i got my air mattress and sleeping bags and camp chairs all set up in the new place, but when i saw all the mold stains on my air mattress, i decided, it's a goner. i have to go get a new one now, cuz this one is in the dumpster. i'd never sleep, wondering if there was mold still growing on it!

i've done so much today, at least for *me*... others may have gotten a lot more done in one day than i have, but for me it's been a MASSIVE day. here's a couple highlights:

i went to the liquor store BY MYSELF. i would never have gone in there on my own before! but i did today! .... for empty boxes, by the way! :P

i knocked on four peoples doors, unexpectedly. talk about bold, for me!

went and got the keys from my new landlords! (wonderful folk!)

and i am halfway ready to 'camp-out' at the new place tonight!!!!!!

.....on top of that, i've fellowshipped with three friends, written in my blog, gone shopping for a few things (only $0.15 left on my save-on gift card!), and asked my uncle for gas money.

yay God for the change in me!!!!!! You ROCK!!!!!! whooooot!!!!!!

9 am captivation

9 a.m.

8+ hours sleep, yet slept through the radio alarm for an hour and a half. half asleep, yet fully in dreamland, i'm listening to cbc radio talk about hospitals dealing with the issue of C-difficile bacteria, how they deal with it janitorially, and i'm seeing it in full living color..... janitors sweeping strong industrial bleach across floors in blue jackets, tiles crumbling if the solution is too strong.... and feeling mildly appalled that they still only bleach a couple times a day!.......

the phone rings, and i swing out my heavy lead arm, and overshoot the phone and whack my hand on the book... my mouth is dry, my chest is tight, throat is raw, the light is too bright. i feel nauseous, from hunger, but probably also the thought of all those chemicals! when i get the phone to my head, my voice croaks when i say hello, and my tongue doesn't want to shape the words.

my dear friend, calling to ask me to pray for her son who is sick today.

so i do. dry tongue and all. (talk about being instant in season and out!?!) ....when i finish it seemed a bit short, but i had no more words, so it was done.

(grace for my dry tongue?!)

and my friend says, 'you know one of the things i love about you, lynne? is we can always talk about God. it's like you never get tired of talking about Him, and that's so cool'.....

....never get tired of talking about Him....

i never do. it's the way it should be... He is the captivator of our hearts, the One who makes life worth living. He is EVERYTHING.

it's so interesting to me that it stands out as a character trait in a christian.... as tho it's unusual. as tho most people treat Him as one of many possible conversation topics. as tho our awareness of His presence and sovereignty and dealings in our life can be turned on or off as we choose.

i think it's really sad. and i think God thinks its really sad. the limited degree to which i feel grieved in my spirit about it must be amplified greatly in God's heart!

thank You for captivating my heart, Lord, for captivating my mind. You are captivating!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

re: hugs

someone sent me this.

made my day!

hugs all round!


well, i musta ate something that POISONED me, cuz whatever it is, it's hightailin' it outta me.... but a oxymoronic side effect of being sick in this way, at least today, is some ENERGY (i was soooo drowsy, practically falling asleep sitting up, earlier today before all this started!!!!)..... i've got laundry in; two sinks full of (oxygen) bleach, soap and yucky dishes; my floor is cleared (albeit not yet swept); AND i washed the top of the stove and put in new burner-liner-thingys (they were nasty after my pot blowout episode a coupla days ago).....

all this betwixt trots to the washroom.....

what a WEIRD day!

hope it's more normalized by cell time tonight! :P

God sent!


not 5 minutes after i finished posting my last post (and decided to get up and out of this lonely house!) i had just finished strippin' and i heard a motor outside so i went and peeked and it was carrie!!!!!! so i threw my shirt on and ran downstairs and answered the door in my undershorts (yes, they are *shorts*) and she gave me a BIG HUG and i started bawling.... she had a valentines card for me with two wineglasses on it and a heart.... God gave her the words for it, and it says, "Cheers! God's love is like this glass, but his glass is overlowing with love just for you."

so now i'm typing this and my mouth is full of after 8's she'd stuffed in the envelope and i feel NO LONELY NO MORE!@!!!!!!! whoooot!

thank Ya, Jesus!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i'm missing mommy and now i'm ticked off cuz i can't printscreen copy an image from moms slide show dvd- i get a video playing in paint! garrrrrrrrr! i save it and it's a blank black image and i hate it!!!!! garertrrrrrlsdfkjseej


feeling decidedly lonely right now. doesn't help that i've been awake since 7:30 and feel gross and headachey and sorethroaty and wanting out of this moldy house pdq!!!!!

/rant 2.


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

cell phone pics galore

i likes these pics~!:

voila, look upwards and you look like a model!

well, kinda, lol!


i'm packing.

well, kinda.

i did up my downstairs bathroom tonight..... which is only a half-bath. i didn't pack the towels, and half the stuff in the medicine cabinet i'm not taking, so it's still in the cupboard for dispersal. half the stuff under the sink was empty plastic bags that mom liked to collect for some future but as yet unknown need(!!!!).... i pulled them out, but got worn out before picking them up. so plastic bags are all over the hall, and the sorta packed box is on the floor of the now disastrous half-bath, and the little rubbermaid drawer thingy i got all my hair ties and stuff in that i need to go through yet is in the hall too..... along with the 3 or 4 bags of stuff my aunty brought me of mom's stuff she had at the hospital. .....and some of my own bags of knitting and/or crocheting!!!!!!!

why is it that i can try to (insert specific tidying/ordering/packing activity), and wind up making a bigger mess than i started with?

what am i, a messy two-year-old?

Monday, February 12, 2007

four hugs a day....

four hugs a day, that's the minimum....
four hugs a day, not the maximum...
my friend debbie sings that all the time... whether she invented it, or it's a real song, i don't know, but she sings it, she's the only person i've ever heard it from.... and she says you can never get enough hugs.

i always had my mummy to get hugs from.... (insert picture of me huggin' mom on her hospital bed.... ruthie, i need those pics!!! lol)...

but i don't anymore.

now it would be easy to go without hugs for a whole day.

so i thought, i'm gonna get me those 4 hugs every day! even if i have to drive across town to someone's house and bang on their door and say, 'i need a hug! i haven't reached my hug-quota yet!'

yeah, it would use more gas from my tank.... but some lovin' is the gas in MY tank, y'know?!

so if i stop by on your doorstep, you'll now why! lol

... the best thing about getting a hug?

giving them back!


~mad hugger lady

meditations on me-ness

me and me vonderbar church family, singing o canada in the middle of LA, go figure! lol .... (pic courtesy.... ruth?)

i was browsing thru the pics in my 'my pictures' folder and came across this one, and it gots me to wondering, WHY DO I ALWAYS STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB? everyone else is like totally wonderfully NORMAL.....

why me, God?! .... lol, God must always be part of the equation, becuase He does all things well, and He created me the way i am, so there is a reason, a WHY, why it's me!

ok. my preference? to hide in the back row. me just being me, in the back row, as tho being in the back row mutes out my me-ness, my colorfulness.... my larger than life -uh-

(i remember painfully taking the seat in the front row, cuz i didn't want to be in the front... but not just front, but front-and-centre front!!!! aarrgghh!!!!! how embarrassing!!!!).

ok.... so why hide my me-ness? God created me to be ME, didn't He? so why am i ashamed of being me?

aha, shame. the S-word. either i'm doing something wrong and am 'deserving' of such shame, or it's a lie from the pit of hell.

thing is, i'm not purposely peacockin' it, strutting my stuff, trying to stand out.... i want to hide and be unnoticed!!!.... but the call God has on my life to be who He created me to be, 100%, continually overrides my tendency to want to 'dress down' or 'be less lynnie'. i want to be who He made me to be, period.

so 'shame' is a lie from the pit of hell.

so, what purpose does that lie from the pit of hell serve?

to keep what God created bottled up, locked away, hidden from sight.

OH. that means what God created He WANTS to be released, freed, and visible?!


(runs to hide in corner)

why ME, God?

maybe because i do not have it in my 'nature' to go about strutting *my* stuff.... i want to strut nothing other that GOD's stuff. maybe because i am someone who wants to be completely faithful to what God entrusted me with.... even if it's hard.... even if it's difficult for me..... shy me, reserved me, wants-to-hide-away me....

*sigh*... ok, so i stick out like a sore thumb.... why ME?

why NOT me!

the vessel cannot say to the Potter, why have You made me thus?

it's His call. if He wants me front-and-center, then He wants me front-and-center, period!

i can be disobedient; or i can be obedient.

one path is easier, the other a whole lot harder.....

which is totally the way God does things, isn't it?!

why bother with food?

mom always said she hated eating; it would be wonderful if they could package everything you NEED into a pill, and just take a pill everyday. eating is such a bother, it takes up so much time, you have to cook, blah blah blah...

i used to think she was kinda weird on that one - maybe it is weird, but not to me anymore! it's one of the ways i'm becoming more like my mother (gasp! help! *kidding*).... and after yesterdays kafuffle with the stove, it's getting a little more stuck on me everyday (blase pun intended, lol)!

it's morning, my stomach is all oceanic on me, waves of nausea from being empty all night... i s'pose i should 'break this fast', but..... gee. i'm not in the mood for food.

when the waves start reaching up my throat i'll know it's time to eat.

sometimes i get a craving for something - like a double quarter-pounder when i'm lacking protein, or soup when i'm lacking nutrients (or so i suppose) - other than that i don't crave a whole lot, and not a whole lot even APPEALS to my palate.

except maybe warm cheese croissants from tim hortons.

but i can't live on cheese croissants, as much fun as that would be! lol!

.... but gee.... i already almost kind of live off of 'organic wheat squares' from presidents choice (looks like shreddies, but organic, high in fibre, and tastes better!) and whole milk.

whole grains and dairy.

mom used to live off of multigrain bread and cheese - toast and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, you name it. ......she said it was the closest to 'the food pill' - has a bit of everything in one package ... calories, carbs, proteins, fats, and at least some nutrients.

for us, an empty tummy almost feels better than a full tummy... maybe because the digestive system is not bogged down with multiple food bolus's? (bolii? lol).....

well, it's a family trait that kinda comes in handy - saves time, saves money, saves energy.

save the planet, don't eat! who knew, it's the new green thing to do...!?

pic from my cell phone

i emailed myself a pic of meself about three days ago and this morning i remembered and DASHED to check my junk folder and phew it was still there.....

pretty good for a camera on a phone, eh?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

reflecting on my day

7:45 am - dragged my tired bod out of bed.

8:30 am - as driving to church, i was cold, wishing i'd had the time to eat a warm brekkie before leaving.... but a red light intervened, and God miraculously made tim hortons unnatturally DESERTED, and i went through in less than a minute, i'm sure!....

8:40- get to church for practice 10 minutes late.....

9:00 - buzzing on my coffee !!!!!!!!

11:30ish - todays message was awesome....

2:00ish - stopped in at wallyworld to wish tan a HAPPY BURPDAY!!!!!!!

.... a quiet afternoon.... visited with tan and her friend teri for a coupla hours.... came home.....

.... and here is where my day stuck.

i put a can of soup in a small pot on the stove, one of the 'waterless' pots (whatever that means?!) i got from mom's stuff... turned on some music in the living room..... sat down on the couch to play sudoku for a few minutes while i waited for dindin..... and completely forgot about it.

after i don't know how long, i smelled a wonderful aroma and thought, who's cooking? ME, DUH!!!!!! *whack* run into the kitchen to see the pot wonderfully bubbling over, all over the stove, from under edges of the lid..... so i turn off the heat, move the pot to another burner (it was definately cooked!) and cleaned up... kinda. then i got out a soup bowl, took the pot to the sink, and went to lift the lid, but.... it was STUCK. totally immovable. i tried with my hands to pry the lid off the hot pot, thought maybe i should protect myself, and got a towel to cover any splatter when it opened.... reamed on it over and over again, with all me muscly muscles, and NOTHING! not even a micrometer of movement!!!!!

[.... and i wonder why i don't cook often? even when i'm hungry, i'm not hungry enough to remind me that i need to eat, and hey, i gots me some food on the stove......potentially a disaster in the making, lol! (i've been known to forget a fully cooked tv dinner in the microwave - for hours! - before i remember to eat again! 'hey, i'm hungry, i'll put a dinner in the nuker... hey, where's that 'penne pollo' dinner, gone, it was here last time i looked? ok, i'll have rigatoni alfredo instead..... go to put it in the microwave, and there is the awol penne pollo....)!!!!]

anyhoo, pot lid cemented on, i called tanya, to see if her or her chef hub would have any ideas.... tanya said try a knife - didn't work. bill said to twist and pull... nope. dagnabbit!

finally i have a brain wave.... maybe it's not 'burnt on' stuck, but 'vacuum' stuck.... so i put the pot on the stove again..... tried the lid every few seconds. and after a couple of minutes, there was enough steam pressure to 'unvac' the lid, and i had a burnt smelling soup for dinner.

it tasted good, tho! :D

but the adventure wore me out, and i lazed around for a coupla hours instead of packing.

then i finally did something i intended to do all winter, cut down the felt lining of my winter boots. fini! accomplishment!!!! ....but now i have felt bits all over my kitchen floor. gee..... to run away from the mess, i gathered and carried upstairs the laundry that has been sitting on my kitchen table for about four days - ('i can accomplish that, even if i don't accomplish cleaning up my mess yet....') - thinking i would start dinging out my closet, and actually get on with packing. or at least make packing easier.....

i take one look at my closet, confusication sets in, and i retreat to reading blogs, and finally posting. relatively longwindedly.

the life of a single gal, eh?

what a day.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

faith condemnation

garr, that old fart the enemy of our souls is at it again, stirring up old woes and working to tear down what God has built.

this morning while listening to one of the sessions at church today he/it/the snake was like, "see, you're such a bad christian, you don't have enough faith, if you had enough faith you'd be totally healed, you faithless, worthless so-called 'child' of God...."

which is a LIE from the pit of hell.

so i'm going to opine for a bit.

this is something i now know how to battle, i've battled it for years, and have largely overcome it to God's glory and not my own (tho it still comes up now and then)..... but it grieves my heart when i think of the enemy speaking that to those who don't know it's a lie, don't know how to look through God's glasses, who maybe even hear in such a message on faith as today's an 'open door' to that condemnation.... (what they are really hearing is the liar speaking, distorting God's truth.)

"well, it's true isn't it? God says all things are possible with faith! so He can heal and wills to heal, so if i'm not healed it's MY FAULT. what am i doing wrong? what do i need to do to get more faith? how can i muster up enough faith to appropriate my healing/deliverance?".....

and it becomes WORKS.

"if your God is so willing to heal, and is able to heal, but you are not healed, then the only thing stopping it is YOU... so it's all YOUR FAULT. you're not doing enough, and you aren't doing it good enough."

sneaky liar, that fart. makes the lie sound like truth.

first off, what is that nebulous thing called "faith"? it's an action word, a descriptor, not a solid, noun-like 'something'. we don't look to our faith to save us, we look to GOD to save us.... faith has to do with HOW we look to Him.... we look to Him in/with faith.

God gives the faith, it's a gift..... He gives it by revelation, by maturing us, by making Himself, His ways, His truth known to us..... our job is simply to seek after HIM.... we can't turn the light-bulb on ourself - He does that, through the supernatural working of His Spirit.

we can't somehow, in focussing on 'getting more faith', get any more faith! we simply need to focus on God, 'get more God'.... we can't create faith in and of ourselves any more than we can go out in the backyard and dig up faith from the ground. God has to plant it. God has to grow it.

He plants it, yes we water it, but we can't create it. we nurture it and feed our faith, but almost as a by-product of seeking Him (staying in the Word, etc). but He is the faith-Giver.

He's the One who turns on the lightbulb over our head when we have revelation - we can't turn on the lights ourselves. we can't just make ourselves 'get it'. in fact, if we try to turn on the lights ourselves, we can stumble into idolatry - because our focus is on getting our revelation, and not on God. on our healing, not God. on our deliverance, not God.

on our circumstances, not God.

'"if only i had my healing! ... then i'd...."

i firmly believe the desire for healing, revelation, understanding can become idols in our lives....

basically, God said to me, pursue Me, don't worry about whether you 'get your healing' or not.... I love you regardless "how much" faith you have.... you are helpless to turn on the lights yourself...... seek Me alone, not faith.... seek Me alone, not your healing.... seek Me alone, not your deliverance..... seek Me alone, not wisdom, not gifts, not anything aside from Myself. they are things I give, not things you can just 'get' or 'take' or 'muster up'. ......there is no fulfillment in those things in themselves..... are you going to let your walk, your joy, your peace, be dependent on whether you 'get your healing' or not? on your circumstances? or are they dependent on Me, and Me alone?

no, i will love You in the sunshine and in the darkness, i will praise You on the mountain top and in the valley, i will walk with You in the garden and in the wilderness places.

i had to repent. and i've placed little to no attention on things such as 'my healing' since... (if fact, the opposite, a knee jerk reaction to any suggestion of burdening myself with the responsibility of 'appropriating' my healing/deliverance myself. grrrrr. and i believe it makes God go 'grrrr', too. He took that weight off my shoulders at the cross!) i will fix my eyes on Him and Him alone. just God. no other, and nothing other. i will not focus on anything else.

or at least that's what/Who i try to keep my focus on, lol!

.....since then? He's brought me healing, He's brought me deliverance, He's turned the lights on for me.... all in His timing. not when i desired it, but when He did. and His timing is infinately more perfect than my own.

so have i 'got' my healing? temporally, somewhat, but my body is still subject to sin and death. but spiritually? i am healed. i'm perfected. no sin, no illness, no death. my body is but a shell, a vapor, temporal. it's not the real me..... the real me is healthy as a heavenly horse.

so they don't line up together perfectly right now, but they will.... and they're getting closer together every day. and one day they will line up perfectly. i have God's Word on that. that's a promise. it's mine.

so.... i have my healing?

you betcha.


Thursday, February 08, 2007

new toy.... er, tool

i have a new TOOL... i went and got me this today, in RED, to celebrate (free with contract).

celebrate what? i dunno, everything! lol


Tuesday, February 06, 2007

latest pic of me

most recent pic courtesy tanya:

ok, off to bed, i don't feel so great and i need to get boogiein' on packing in the morning, so g'nite, all!


of eagles and woes

all i could think of earlier to write about on my blog today was to lightheartedly write out some woes.... my calves both have a red puffy scratched up area from sledding with the k kids on saturday up at the college - my wind pants (yuh, i know, unsuitable for winter sledding!) kept riding up my legs so i got snow burn. but it was a blast!

the other woe was...... hmmm..... well.... gee, i forget. how much of a woe is that, then? lol!

so a few minutes ago i looked out my living room window and saw an eagle outside, i ran outside and watched it circle around above my house a bunch of times. beautiful. bald eagle. sweet.

it makes me think of....those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they shall mount up (loft up) on wings as eagles....

Monday, February 05, 2007

they're baaack....

well, after being away for two nights at deb 'n' fam's, my sinuses cleared up, headaches mostly left, my chest felt pretty good in the mornings (despite wood smoke and all)....



my head feels like i got smacked with a baseball bat, i'm tight chested, my eyes are bleary, my throat even hurts. i even feel like i'm going to barf. i feel absolutely horrible all over.

after two days away, yesterday i felt like i had tons of energy..... today i feel like i have barely the energy to roll over in my grave.


....thank you Lord, i'm movin' on!


Sunday, February 04, 2007

movin' on

yup that's right, i'm movin' on... away from this moldy place, into a wonderful God-given home. just ask debbie, it's a God-thing all the way.

yesterday, as i was lamenting over my stinky house and frusterating landlord, deb had a lightbulb appear over her head - dougs mom and dad next door have a one bedroom suite for rent!

the rest is history, i went and looked at it, bounced it off a few people including me auntie and me unkie, and voila!

i'm giving my notice tomorrow.

so far as things go, i'll be 'taking occupency' as of february 15th, big move happening on sunday, february 18th after church - but i can use anyones help from now until the 28th, as i'll be having two weeks to organize and prepare for the move, and then about a week-and-a-half to move the small stuff, clean, arrange, and all along, to GET RID OF STUFF!!!!!! i have to downsize big time. so... you need anything in particular? mention it to me (and post a comment), and if i have one or three to liquidate, i'll pass it on to you before i otherwise give it or trash it, k?

there's not a speck of mold in the place, well ventilated, WELL BUILT, all lino flooring and new but not-too-new cabinetry (no longer offgassing too much), utilities included (including basic cable!)...

... and one of mom's last 'wishful thoughts' - for me to live in a room/suite in the home of a christian/mature family/couple.

can anyone say, AMEN?!


all the walls are light pink, lol.... any ideas as to how to work with that?



But sons who are more generously and candidly treated by their fathers do not hesitate to offer them incomplete and halfdone and even defective works, trusting that their obedience and readiness of mind will be accepted by their fathers, even though they have not quite achieved what their fathers intended. Such children ought we to be, firmly trusting that our services will be approved by our most merciful Father, however small, rude, and imperfect these may be.
~John Calvin (1509-1564), The Institutes of the Christian Religion [1559]

Friday, February 02, 2007


well, i've had a sinus thing the last three days, only ibuprofen seems to kick it - tylenol doesn't even touch it. and this morning i have sparkly things in my vision. must be from pressure (not an aura). garrr.

i was out pretty much all day yesterday, got home a little before 1am. get into bed, and.... my house stinks! i can't even smell it unless i've been out for a day or so... and then it's absolutely horrible. i don't understand how other can say it's mild.... it's terribly offensive.

and i woke up with a tight chest this morning. garrrrrr~!~!!~!~!!

so ultimately, this morning i'm feeling like i MUST move, ASAP! PDQ! NOW! garrrrrr!!!!!!!!

who knows, maybe i don't have acute sinusitis, maybe i have a hunk of aspergillis growing in my skull. garrrrr~!!!!!!!

Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter