Wednesday, December 31, 2008

disco dancing with myself

and yes, i have a head... not just one, but two! lol

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trich and fellowship... with Jesus!!!

a beautiful girl giving the glory to the One who deserves it!

btw, does everyone know that trich is the reason i had a buzz cut when i got baptized 9 years ago? (wish i could scan my baptism pic for y'all, but my scanner has been commandeered by a friend and hasn't returned home yet!!! :P )

... and it's also the reason i have dreads? ie. with dreads you 'keep' all your hair (even what is normally 'shedded' and would normally be found loose in your hairbrush) and it entwines with itself and becomes 'one' (a dreadlock)... which is the opposite of pulling out and 'discarding' one's hair - which to me is actually discarding a little bit of yourself, one hair at a time... so i choose to embrace my whole self (well i try to, anyways!) - instead of 'discarding' myself, if that makes sense - and this is represented by my dreads....

it also goes much further for me, in that it also represents God's healing of me, *all* of me, bringing *wholeness* to my broken life, no part left untouched by His healing hand... and His utter acceptance of me in my entirety.... if He does not see fit to discard of me, with all my fatal flaws... why should i?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


garr... the bane of my mane... but at least now they are saying its biological like tourettes, rather than a neurosis... (PHEW, one less of those! lol)

super shopper!!!

whoo hoo, i got a bundle of groceries.... i stopped a bit early for fear of it all going over $200, but when i went thru the till, it was only $120!!!! SCORE!!!!!

God is good. i found a LOT of things on my list ON SALE (there were some minor things i opted not to get cuz they weren't)... and i stocked up with two big packages of TP for almost half off! i was even able to make organic options most of the time... even my big expensive jug of natural laundry soap was $1.00 off!!!

in total i saved..... $27.05!!!! KA-CHING!

and finally, just for fun.... i got a grand total of 35 items.... so i saved an average of $0.77 per item, lol!!!

*happy dances*

Monday, December 29, 2008

a thought-provoking story...

got this in an fw: email from my sister.... (my half sister i didn't grow up with which is why hardly anybody knows i have sisters.. yes, three! lol) but anyways, on to the story....

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk-paper wrapped package. 'This,' he said, 'isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box. 'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it.'

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral home, his wife having just died.

He turned to me and said, 'Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion.'

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less. I sit on the porch without worrying about anything. I spend more time with my family, and less at work. I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day... I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it. I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words 'Someday...' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it NOW.....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.... I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends. She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
Live life today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

papery goodness

*drools*, i so want to try this.... papery goodness by Hannah Lobley.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

"saucer down, i repeat, we have a saucer down..."

AARRGGHH!!!! ....while making din-din (frozen pizza), i went to get a lunch plate for my slices and a saucer slipped out of the cupboard onto the counter.... now i'm down to only 2 saucers, and i USE them ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!!!!!

DOUBLE ARRGGHH!!! as i was arranging the saucer halves in my hand for the above pic, i managed to nick myself... and man i'm a bleeder!!! aarrgghh!!!!

by the time i got my hand washed, dried, and put a bandaid on, my finger was bleedin' profusely, far more than is shown in the above pic.

oh MAN...!!!

now where am i going to get some more light spring green teacup saucers? sheesh! ( ... and i have taken great pains over the years to collect only light spring green dishware... i'd say 95% of my dishware matches veddy well, indeed. ...less two saucers. bah.)

so, do i ever use my saucers as teacup saucers? no. i use them for lots of other things though - mostly to put my soup ladle or wooden spoons on while cooking, or to cover a mug or cereal bowl in the fridge (and lunch plates are *simply* too big to be useful for those purposes most of the time, dahlings)... (and i try very to store everything in glass, rather than plastics... i want to have a plastic free home as much as possible. no tupperware for me, sorry char!).

... *sniffs* ... my poor departed saucer, may ye rest in peace, never to slice another finger again.

laundry question...

ok, y'all me frendz, i want some ANSWERS....

answer me zis question:

do you take your laundry out of the dryer when it is completely dry, or when it is still slightly damp? ... and why?

my answer... i try to take it out only when it's bone dry... this is because i am moisture phobic - ie. mold phobic. i've had too many belonging have to be trashed because of mildew from too much moisture in the environment... i'd rather have completely dried clothes (even if it's a bit harder on the clothes) and a low-humidity environment that reduces the risk of mold, than to baby my clothes and increase the humidity in my house.

i *do* hang some items to dry, but only in the bathroom with the fan on... and they don't go in my closet until they are bone dry, too. ....everything that can be safely dried in the dryer gets dried in the dryer!!!

plz to comment with yer answers?!!?!!

riiing, riiing, baa?

i <3 sheepies~!!!!

see more pics of these cuties at the Rag & Bone Blog.

gotta love a day like today...

...a day of slummin' around in me jammies....

put, put, putterin' around the house (well, maybe more like a sput, sput, sputterin' car... stop, go, stop, go, stop........ go stop..... stop..... go!!!!!!.... lol)

...not enough food, and too much coffee...

doin' some laundry.... and wondering where the heck the smell of something *dead* is coming from!!!! ......

...i've smelled it occasionally in the spare room... usually after moving stuff around, i've thought... but have never been able to find a source... or even a part of the room that is 'the strongest', or anything..... it's usually very mild and transient... but today.... P.U. i can even smell it in the living room. and i haven't moved a single thing in the spare room...! what i am wondering is this..... i've had the dryer on for four consecutive runs - not typical for me... i wonder if something crawled into the dryer vent opening outside and died.... blech. i will have to pay more attention in the future as to whether it's been when the dryer is/has been on... but why the smell would be strongest in the spare room?! ... hmm, i wonder where the dryer vents are outside.... maybe it oozes in through the cracks around the back 'deck' doors....(*goes and sniffs outside the doors*)... nope. HUH.

hmm... the lights have been on in this spare room today... i wonder if the light bulbs are too hot... (previous tenant left some too-high wattage bulbs in other fixtures, maybe that's the problem here....)..... *turns lights off*.... we'll have to see!

...ooooh, the mystery of all mysteries....

a disgusting example of lack of love...

Mom Harassed For Breast Feeding In Church

Christmas Redux

first of all, a definition for ya'll:
1. Of a topic, redone, restored, brought back, or revisited.
Company policy redux.
Dirty tricks redux.
- from Wiktionary.
so, i am looking back two whole days and revisiting christmas for y'all.

first, a timeline of events:

christmas eve:
went to mark n ruths for yummy appy's and games with their family - funs and yums!!!
went to mike n moes to spend the night with their entire family... luvs!!!
had fun moving furniture around in 'my room', after midnight... don't ask, lol!!!!! :D

christmas day:
got royally spoiled with lots of gifts and love and food....
went for dinner at roy and michelle's, got spoiled again... :D
put together a playschool pirate chest world with jordan and grace.... FUNZ!!!!! :D
played dominoes, FUN!, and went home late... and slept like a rock.

boxing day:
slept. all. day. ...then all night too...!! whoa... i really musta needed it!!! :P

next, a sampling of gifts, from a variety of peeps, listed from memory:
  • *The Tale of Despereaux* (junior novel)!!!!!!!!! (thanks, ruthie! :D )
  • a cotton quilted bedspread
  • a sweater
  • a t-shirt
  • a tank top
  • a pair of fuzzy jammies (i'm prolly gonna wear as a 'blazer' and pants... separately, of course)
  • a pair of cotton 'road-trip' jammies!
  • three wooly hats
  • a green fuzzy scarf/tube thingy...
  • a scarf/shawl beauteous thingy...
  • three pairs of funky socks
  • a huge pad of scrappy papers
  • funky scrappy odds n ends
  • self-laminating laminate 'papers'
  • a journal
  • a change purse made out of little socks!
  • a mousie stuffie!
  • delicate glass windchimes
  • a gorgeous green onyx tea-light holder (matches my bookends!)
  • a dvd, "momma mia"
  • most of matthew henry's commentary on the bible (5 of 6 volumes)
  • licorice and a chocolate orange and misc. other yummies....
  • and lastly, various amounts of pocket money and gift cards :D
and finally:
good times? yuppers!!!
spoiled rotten? you bet!!!!!
blessed? abundantly.


***edited to add the one thing i forgot: The Tale of Despereaux, a story bout a brave wee mousie.... hee hee :D :D :D ***

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

exposure vs. covering

it's important that we cover one another's weaknesses rather than we expose them...

Genesis 9:20And Noah began to be a farmer, and he planted a vineyard. 21Then he drank of the wine and was drunk, and became uncovered in his tent. 22And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside.

23But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father's nakedness.

24So Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done to him.
25Then he said:
"Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren."

26And he said:
"Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.

27May God enlarge Japheth,
And may he dwell in the tents of Shem;
And may Canaan be his servant."

it's easy in conversation to expose another's weaknesses to other people.... sometimes i wish i was more on the ball when i hear something that exposes someone, and i would say, 'hey, guys, we are supposed to cover one another's weaknesses, not expose them...".... i know i would want my conversation to be brought to my attention... i stand accountable.

you see, recently i learned something about someone that i really had no business knowing.... and it was brought up after the person in question had left premises.... it was about a person i don't know well and am certainly not privy to their life details, but the people who talked about this person had known them over the years and so had seen them in some of their weaker 'moments'.... and they proceeded to share with us some of this person's particular character flaws.

even in saying this i am taking pains in my how i am relating this so as to not expose anyone in this post.... i want to focus on the *heart attitude* behind this, that each and every one of us is predisposed to in our flesh nature, and not on any particular person.... so i am definitely not implying that i am pure and pristine in this area... becuase it's something i am painfully aware of and try hard to watch for in my own speech, for good reason - i recognize my own tendency toward fallability in that area, and as such am always examining my speech for 'exposure vs. covering'.... but that means i am also sensitive to hearing it come out of other's mouths... and i get a sense of .... grieving... when i hear it.

the verse i quoted above has stuck with me since the first time i read it: the one son saw noah drunk and naked, and told his brothers...EXPOSING his weakness.... (not even to strangers, but *just* his closest family, who many would say by that simple fact *makes* it their business to know).... and this son's SON was CURSED for it - not the son himself, but the grandson!!!.... whereas the two other brothers, after hearing it, went into the tent to COVER their father's nakedness, and would not even look on it, not even to 'see for themselves'... (i argue that in this they were refusing to acknowledge it - and that they probably never spoke of it again).... and they were BLESSED for it.

it behooves us (hows that for a word, eh?) to watch what we say about others, examining our speech - and our conscience -to see if it is exposing or if it is covering... and this not even for our own sake... we ourselves may not receive a 'curse' (but then again, we reap what we sow...), but for those to come... ie our words can affect them for generations to come.... it's simple: we teach our children - whether physical children or spiritual children that we are modelling the faith for - by our words and actions... by our example.

....and it's all the more... amplified... as an poor example when it comes from the mouths of those who are mature in the faith. the more mature we are, the more we are held accountable, is my conviction....

so... Lord, sensitize us in our speech in this area... every one of us. may we cover and build up one another, rather than expose and tear down another's reputation. and, as always, Lord... begin with me.

i feel such a grieving in my spirit over this tonight.... :'( .....*sighs*. i guess that's why i'm sitting here wrestling with it, writing it out, at 1 am, rather than sleeping...

Monday, December 22, 2008

Sunday, December 21, 2008


found this neat quote in an email from tan, one of those perennially forwarded FW: FW: FW emails...... i usually don't forward them myself (i hate chain mail style guilt tripping emails!~ lol), but this snippet caught my attention....
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
it really speaks to me about what friendship is, and is not. it is so easy to get in front of someone and take the lead, and tell them what they should do... and it's easy to almost idolize friends, too. when in reality it is simply about two people walking side by side down the same path... of life.

even friends where one is christian and one is not... while we may not be walking down the same *eternal* path, we are both walking through this life.... mike even touched on it today in the message - we should not be pointing fingers what they are doing *wrong*, and separating ourselves from people who don't believe as we do... He wants us to walk side by side with them, loving them, being... their friend. not telling them what to do all the time (gee, should i raise my hand here?.... it's just too easy...) or how they don't measure up to Gods standards (gee, i don't!)... just being their friend. we love them, the Love of God is what changes and heals and draws towards Him..... it's not us. as they see how God's power is at work in our lives, and the changes His love makes in us... that is what sparks a hunger, not so much being *told* they need Jesus.... i think sometimes we *over focus* on our role as leaders (priesthood of all believers) in the sense that we forget that leadership is being servant to all, and not so much *direction* or *instruction*.... it's true, we lead... but not by 'leading', but by loving and serving. being.... a friend.

Jesus Himself, in His leading of us, as King of Kings and Lord of Lords, made Himself a servant... "7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross."(phillippians 2) ...He became the Friend of sinners. He didn't come to judge them (just the opposite!)... or snub them for screwing up... or to look down on them from His seat of salvation... He came just... to be their Friend. to be *our* Friend. to point us in the direction He was going... toward the Father. even He wasn't the be all and end all (even tho He had - and is - the Answer!) ie: everything He did pointed to the Father, not Himself. we know the Father's love because we know Jesus' love... not of *telling* so much (who He told off the most was the legalistic religious pharisees of the day!) but by living it every day in His own life and walk... and loving us so much He died for us while we were yet sinners... unconverted... unchristian.... walking in the world just like our friends.

if this is a bit disjointed, sorry... i'm just writing as i'm hashing it out in my head and my heart... thinking on paper, you could say...(er, virtual paper, i guess!)

Saturday, December 20, 2008

the blunt end...

who knew the blunt end (yes, the eye-hole end) of a fairly large needle could puncture the skin and make you bleed profusely?!

here the bleeding is pretty much done already....

...please pardonnez me ol' grubby jammies as i suck my thumb...

next on my shopping list: fingertip (or thumbtip?) bandaids....

before i put the bandaids on (pink and orange, my two favorite colors together!), i noticed... there's an actual little 'hole' in my thumb tip! lol...

and you *don't* want to know how much blood i got on my jammy pants....

fortunately i didn't get ANY on the christmas present i was making...!!!! whoo hoo!!!

a cast iron kind of day

wow, it's such a beautiful day... the sky is clear, the sun is shining, and there's a breeze moving through the trees, tinkling my neighbours wind chimes...

...i have a strong yen to go outside and stretch my legs and soak up some sun....

...never ye mind that it's a mere -33C in the wind... (that's a measly -19C w/o the windchill factor).... for *i* am Cast Iron Woman - able to leisurely roam about in the freezing wind, hatless, gloveless, and shoeless, for hours on end....!!!! MWHAHAHAHA.... (...although.... i *do* wonder... if even cast iron might crack in this kind of cold....?)

...and here i thought it had warmed up overnight!?! :P

Friday, December 19, 2008

halp! need of pizza advice

i love pizza! .... it is one of my favorite foods, especially on cold days like today... it warms you up inside and out, sticks to ya - so you don't get hungry again too soon... and can be somewhat healthy if you don't overdo it, and pick ones with veggies or whatever.

but, as a single person eating pizza, herein lays my dilemma...

...i don't care for cold pizza. oh, a slice now and then is fine (especially if it's pizza hut pizza!!!) ... but not half a pizza at a time. ...i find i'm cooking whole pizzas, eating half, refrigerating the rest... and half the time not eating the cold stuff.

tsk, tsk... wasteful.

SO.... i know i can crack *some* thin crust pizzas in half, when they are solidly frozen... but i need ideas on HOW TO CUT A FROZEN PIZZA IN HALF... while still solidly frozen, so it can stay in the freezer until the next time (mind you, not too far in the future, as the packaging would thus be opened...).......

now, i don't mind those mini pizzas once in a while, but really, there's nothing on them. the 'deluxe' has about 1/10th of a green or red pepper, 5 paper thin slices of 3/4inch pepperoni, and about 3 bits of mushrooms. hello?!

i want the real pizzas, with big hunks of pineapples... tons of spinach... thick slices of whole mushrooms... or chunks of chicken....

but they are just too big! i'm only one person who is trying not to overeat! wahhhh!!!

(scroll to top of post and begin reading again. do this over and over again, ad nauseum. lynnie's nauseous over this, why shouldn't you be, too?) *raspberries* :P

feed the right wolf

i've seen this story cross-referenced in another blog, and i think it's really... RAHther pertinent, DAHling... to the Christian walk.... the flesh nature vs. the spirit man.
A Cherokee Legend

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."


climate-based missiology?

ha, there's a term for ya. ...deciding where to go for missions based on preferable climate, lol. 'gee, Lord, i'll go anywhere for ya, as long as it ain't cold....'

i'm just being cheeky. :D

anyways, what i was just thinking... i'm rather liking this weather. the briskness, the severety, the outright noise of it.... mind you, i don't feel very well-prepared for 'cold-weather survival'... the thought of the power going out makes me want to go buy 10 emergency blankets and extra batteries! ... but cold-weather survival/coping/living skills *can* be learned....

...i've always been fascinated with cold climates. i read about 30 feet of snow in stewart, and i think, *kewl*. i read about how in the summer some roads thaw out and become too soggy for vehicular traffic... and i'm fascinated.

but most of all, i think of the people, how far away from city-centers they can be (and we think *we're* isolated? ha!...)... and i wonder, how far has the gospel gone into those places? how many lives have been radically changed by coming into contact with Jesus? ... and how many *haven't* had that yet?.....

it seems like everyone is game to go into the, what is it called - the 10/30(?) window or some such - where there are billions of unreached people around the equator.... but few seem to want to go find the *one* who needs Jesus. people seem to think, go where the numbers are, reach as many as possible.... where i seem to think, where is that *one* person that God has healing for?

right now, my mission field is *here* - largely *within* the body of Christ, but also to certain circles that i am in touch with. if God were to change that call, and call me to a hot location, fine, i'll deal with it, God will make me able to handle the heat.... but i tend to think He has placed in me a heart for the north, northern, isolated people, the singular individuals in their singular situations...

... maybe because i relate to being *isolated* (emotionally, not externally - i don't see this town as being very isolated, probably because i've never lived anywhere else... i see it more as a busy little hub... hubbub... lol). i understand to a large degree, aloneness. i can parallel rather severe external living conditions with severe emotional/mental living conditions... the need for Light in the darkness, Hope in hopelessness....

... which makes me think of the other population i have a huge heart for... the mentally ill. been there, done that... am there, doing that. when i read about some of the horrible living conditions and maltreatment of mentally ill people, my heart rends. talk about cold, severe living situations, life situations. where so many people see the severely mentally ill as a *problem* to be dealt with, i see each individual as having worth and value and something they contribute to this world - a non-typical contribution, perhaps, but extremely valuable nonetheless. Jesus loves each one so much... and He created/ordained each to have a specific kind of journey in life... and it's to prosper them and not to harm them!!!... and i have *vision* for that.... at the moment it does not equate to much external action on my part, i am too much in the throes of it myself at the moment... but what one has gone through and is currently going through is for a purpose and has eternal value He is taking me 'somewhere' with this, it's just that where, as of yet, i don't know.

...but i have a feeling it will have to do with the more extreme 'climate' of living/life situations... in one way or another.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

don't press the button!

hahahaahhaahhaahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha......... this kills me!

Big Red Button

color vision

how good is your color perception? what is your color IQ? find out here:

Test Your Color IQ

my score is 0 - perfect color vision.

can you beat me? (mwahahahahahaa......)

how He loves us

ruth's blog post got me curious.... and found this.

he wrote this song about a friend... powerful testimony... the last verse makes sense after hearing it.....

John Mark McMillan, The Call Nashville

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Cause He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died and You met me between my breaking
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony
...they want to tell me You're cruel
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause...

Cause He loves us,
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves


Let others know a little more about yourself, re-post this as your name
followed by "ology".


What is your salad dressing of choice?
ummm... either french or a bit of coleslaw dressing. ranch is tolerable.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
i'm liking mr mikes these days...

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
milk - homogenized. it's a food - it's too dense to be treated like a beverage.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?
ham, mushrooms, pinapple, lots of sauce and lots of cheese

What do you like to put on your toast?
applesauce or peanut butter


How many televisions are in your house?

What color/type of cell phone do you have?
a red LG


Are you right-handed or left-handed?

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
teeth, a lump.

What is the last heavy item you lifted?
bags of groceries

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
knocked, no.... passed out, yes.


If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
i dunno.... i'll say no, because there's a reason we don't know ahead of time, cuz God has a purpose to us living each day not knowing!!!!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
prolly Clover, lol

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
uh, no. i want to keep my esophagus, thanks.


How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
2... including crocs? 4...

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
haha, don't ask...

Last person you talked to?

Last person you hugged?


fall, aka 'autumn', lol

weekends, lol

Day of the week?

uh..... january is cool, lol!


Missing someone?

tired but cheeky :P

What are you listening to?
jason upton

uh... the letters appearing magically on the screen...

Worrying about?
ha, nothing, and everything!


First place you went this morning?
the bathroom!

What's the last movie you saw?

Do you smile often?
i think so!

Sleeping Alone Tonight?
*sighs*... always. where's a pet kitty when you need one?!


1)Do you always answer your phone?
heck no, i own the phone, the phone don't own me!

2) Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
a strange random unknown number...

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
gee... i always liked brilliant green eyes... or brilliant blue. or brilliant amber! :D i guess anything other than the murky non-color that they are, just for the change, lol!

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?
i have no clue, never been.

5)Do you own a digital camera?
technically, but a friend has had it for months, lol

6)Have you ever had a pet fish?
yeah, a goldfish. 'goldilocks'. it died in about a week.

7) Favorite Christmas song(s)?
away in a manger, do you hear what i hear, little drummer boy, o holy night

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
my *dream* wish list? a baby grand...

9) Can you do push ups?
uh, girlie ones, maybe a few...

10) Can you do a chin up?
not at all!

11)Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
both at different times

12) Do you have any saved texts (on your cell phone)?
say wha? ... oh my cell? (adds to question for clarity).... yah, almost every one i've ever sent!

13) Ever been in a car wreck?

14) Do you have an accent?
west coast canadian, ain't that skookum?

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
don't remember

16) Plans tonight?
yah, a special pre-christmas non-cellular drop-in home-group non-meeting!

17)Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
ha, many times.....

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
nothing. now today, that's a different story...

19) Have you ever been given roses?
yeah, one or two at a time... but more often stinky carnations, lol

20) Current worry?
too many to count, but none on my mind right now

21) Current hate right now?

22) Met someone who changed your life?

23) How will you bring in the New Year?
prolly at a friend's party!

24) What song represents you?
huh.... moonshadow, by cat stevens works :D

25) Name three people who might complete this?
uh... it's an oldy but a goodie, so... ruth, nicole, and christy?

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
i don't think so. the past sucks.

27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?

28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
a hole in each ear... no tats yet, but one day....

29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
i don't know...

30) Does anyone love you?
yup!!!! :D

31) Would you be a pirate?
a loving, godly, law-abiding one, yup! arrrr!!!!

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
sempre libera comes to mind! lol

33) Ever had someone sing to you?
of course :)

34) When did you last cry?
last night


36) Do you like to cuddle?

37)Have you held hands with anyone today?

38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
uh, i don't remember

39)What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
madonna, george michael...

40) Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects?
uh? eh?

41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
10 years or less

42)Do you like pulpy orange juice?
yes!!!! it's the best!!! especially if you add a little cream.....

43)What is something your friends make fun of you for?
putting cream in my OJ!!!!

44) Have you ever ridden an elephant?

45)Do you like to play Scrabble?
yup, rarely get to, tho

46) What are you saving your money up for right now?
hand to mouth, baby, hand to mouth....

47) When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
a couple weeks ago

48) What song(s) do you want played at your funeral?
i'll fly away, in a poppy fun way (but NOT hoedown style!)... and spirit in the sky!

49) What were you doing at midnight last night?
watching tv at a friends house

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
what time is it?

est voila!!!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

this dark december

things have gotten dark for me;
hard to write, hard to see...
how to explain what's hard to conceive?
how to share what can't be believed?

this dark december,
it knows me well....

alone in a crowd,
walking through hell.

big christian word of the day

from merriam-websters word of the day email....
prelapsarian \pree-lap-SAIR-ee-un\ adjective

: characteristic of or belonging to the time or state before the fall of humankind

Example Sentence:
In the afternoon we walked through the idyllic gardens, noting their prelapsarian charm.

Did you know?

"Prelapsarian" is the latest creation in the "lapsarian" family, which is etymologically related to Latin "lapsus," meaning "slip" or "fall."

"Supralapsarian" is the firstborn, appearing in 1633 as a word for someone who held the belief that people were predestined to either eternal life or eternal death before the Creation and the Fall (the event in the Bible when Adam and Eve were forced to leave the Garden of Eden because they had sinned against God).

Next in line is "sublapsarian," which refers to a person who adhered to the view that God foresaw and permitted the Fall and after the Fall decreed predestination to eternal life as a means of saving some of the human race. That word first appears in 1656 and was followed by its synonym, "infralapsarian," in distant 1731.

"Postlapsarian," meaning "of, relating to, or characteristic of the time or state after the Fall," appeared two years later, and "prelapsarian" was delayed until 1879.

,,,,haha, i love big words.

i remember learning about all the lapsarian words once, i forget in what context, it may have been in a book by rc sproul....

but anyways.... 'infralapsarianism' is a veddy big word indeed....!!!!

*jumps up and down and does silly happy dance*

dream vs. reality stocking

[imagine a cool stocking picture.... i'm too lazy to go find one...]

dream stocking:
  • $2500+ gift certif to sight n sound for a new guitar... and a bass... and an amp...
  • heck, a gift certif for a drum set...
  • double heck, a gift certif for a skookum keyboard and recording software/hardware....
  • triple heck, a gift certif for a baby grand.... *drools*... anybody got a spare 10 grand? lol
  • keys for a new car and prepaid gas and insurance for 5 years (hey, 10 - its a dream, right? lol)
  • gift certificate for housekeeping for a year, lol
  • airplane tickets & accomodation to go to every bc gtt and north american ltt

reality stocking v. 1: unlikely but really, really, *really* wish it *could* happen:
  • tickets for me and at least one friend to go to the QC to take care of scattering mom's ashes... :/
  • airfare & accomodation to go see my therapist again....
reality stocking v. 2: very conceivably plausible! lol
  • lots of wool.... i mean real *wool* wool..... feltable/fullable.....
  • [... wow this is a harder list to come up with!]
  • gift certificate for (i need some specific books i won't list here....)
  • [gee, i'm on the verge of tears(!).... because there are a lot of 'little' things (none of them *things*) i wish for that would never show up in a stocking.... :'( ]
  • ....... ..... .......

... ... ...
.. ..... .... ..... ok, forget this, now i *am* crying ...
. .... ... ... .. .. ...

.....whats most important to me is Jesus.... the people i love.... and healing. everything else, as beautiful or lovely or useful it may be, is .... well.....

... stuff.

one tidbit about my day.... today i spent about 2/3 of the day with or around people i love, and about 1/3 at home alone. it was a good balance. usually i'm alone about 90% of the time. and that's really hard. .... so what would you suppose my heart cries out for.... stuff?... or family, in the truest sense of the word?

ok.... not to be emo... just honest..... i'm going to go now, i'm not feeling so well....

Sunday, December 14, 2008

i am 96% mentally ill....!

snagged from bv on facebook... and no one can complain about me being insensitive by posting this or anything, cuz i *have* mental illness, and i can definitely see the humor in this... it's hilarious!


[x] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[x] You have ran into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[x] You have been called a blonde.


[] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[x] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[x] You just sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.


[] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[] You type with three fingers or less.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling


[] You have fallen asleep in class.
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[x] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[x] You are often told to use your 'inside voice.'


[x] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[x] You have eaten a bug accidentally...
[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.


[] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
[] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[ ] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used.
[x] You don't know what "um" means.
[x ] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.



NOW, take your total, and multiply it by 4.
and repost as: I am __% Mentally ill.


what's hilarious is it's possible to get a score as high as ... 144% (?.... i added that on my fingers, so... accuracy is questionable, lol!)

i'm amazed i'm under 100%!!!! :P

Saturday, December 13, 2008

my favorite pizza!

... of the frozen variety, anyways. Dr. Oetker Ristorante Spinaci.... mmm, spinach....

it's a smaller, specialty style pizza... and if you cut it into 8ths, each slice is approximately 110 calories! and the best part about it? ....mmm, spinach...

i find it works best to put it in at 425 for 10 minutes, then turn the broiler on and brown the top... at least in my oven.... mmm, mmm, good! .... *drools* ...spinach....

the perfect pizza for sharing with someone, say for lunch... if each eat half the pizza, each get 440 calories, not bad at all for a main meal!!! and with a salad? you'd come away stuffed and fulla greens, lol...

i can't think of a single Dr. Oetker pizza i haven't liked - either Ristorante style, or Mama Casa.... mmmmm..... they are the first pizza i look for in the stores. ...what more can i say?!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

i swear

no more masks. the artist of the picture above wrote a lovely poem on masks you can read by clicking the link or picture. i've been wanting to write about one area i mask, and that is a pretense of purity - specifically, swearing.

yeah, i swear sometimes. i said that to someone once, and they wrinkled their nose, and said, you do? yeah, i do. and you know what else? it's getting worse, lol. the more i discover in myself, learn about my past and how it affects me, and refuse to let masks cover up truth, i refuse to pretend 'purity' more and more, and just BE who i am.

you know what? i am depraved. the only thing pure about me is Christ in me, and my standing in Him. HE is pure.... not me. not while i still live in this mortal body and have this flesh nature. my standing before Him and in Him is pure and faultless, Christ's righteousness is inputed to me 100%, and my spirit man has been made perfect. yes yes yes. i do not deny that at all. i know that and recognize it for what it is: one of God's most precious truths to me. ..... and i also recognize that it is not of myself... and the outworking of that in my day to day life is, well, a process.

one step to becoming who i am meant to be is being TRUTHFUL with myself - and others. i do not swear out of an attempt to shock or offend.... but just in saying it like it is. allowing what's really inside me to BE, to be acknowledged, and to be changed by GOD not by me.....not revising who i am, where i come from, what i've come through, and what i'm still dealing with... not hiding it under a pretty 'christian' mask.... not saying 'i'm doing good' when i'm not, not pretending i don't get lonely or scared or _____, when i do, not pretending to be all cleaned up and perfect in deed and word, when i'm not.

all to often we confuse christianity with churchianity, and it becomes about conforming and fitting in with the little christian subculture we have.... and we fail to be real and raw about our struggles - and victories! - in our walk with Jesus. well you know what? Jesus knows swear words leak out of me, and He loves me just the same. i do not *try* to be a potty mouth or anything, but i will not claim that my tongue is perfectly tamed either.
James 3:2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
and you know what? i ain't perfect yet. i stumble in word, and i sure as heck can't bridle my whole body yet! i sin!!!!! yeah, i do try to bridle my tongue (and body!), but dang it, when i fail at doing that - and i will - i am not going to pretend i don't have faults, not going to fall into pretense that i am anywhere other than where i am, and LIE. cuz yeah, it's LYING. point blank.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

let it snow!!!

found a fun thing to add to the blog... falling snow. you can get it here...!!!

thank the Lord for door prizes!!!!

so today was the clubhouse christmas party, and MY name was the very first drawn for a door prize!!!!... like what are the odds of that? because i was first, i got to choose whichever prize i wanted.... and of course the very first thing i laid eyes on was like totally fantabulous!!!

lotsa knives...! plastic handles, but the blade runs the whole length of the handle - which is an awesome feature!

i've never had a garlic press before!

all this, and the base spins, too!


big spice jars... awesome!

*drools*... i've never had a knife block before! ... andi've never had steak knives, either! i'm trying very hard to get away from plastics, i will be slowly replacing the nylon tools with stainless steel.... buy hey, i finally have a second soup ladle! and a serving spoon! ... and a replacement for my missing slotted spoon!!!!

*plus*, on top of that, everyone got a $15 gift card for wally world....

oh gee, Lord.... i feel so spoiled. *sniffs* .... thanks.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

what is shame?

today's message was very good. here are a few thoughts o' mine...

first, what is shame? i could *not* relate to what was given as an example of shame to what *i* know of as shame. to me, the experience of things like having a big nose, developing hormonally before other girls, wearing old clothes, being chubby wubby, and other things that cause feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, or self-consciousness does not bring shame. it may *feed* shame, yes, but those feelings in and of themselves are not what i relate to as shame - inadequacy? yes. embarrassment? yes. self-consciousness? yes. but shame? - no.

here are the notes i jotted down, during the service, of what *i* experience shame to be:

what is shame? - it's not just feelings of inadequacy! .... it's the sense of "being" wrong - not wrong like having given a wrong answer - but foundationally, fundamentally *wrong*. ... not just flawed, but *a* flaw.

it has nothing with how others see you, it's how you've come to see yourself. ... like you do not belong on earth, like God made a mistake in making you. .... not apologizing for a wrong deed, but apologizing for your very existance.

not that you've made mistakes or are capable of mistakes, but that you *are* a mistake, and *only* capable of mistakes. it's not about having or not having hair, skills, or size... it's about *being*. it's existential to the very core.

your state of being is *unacceptable*. your being is *unacceptable*. your existance is *unacceptable*. your very humanity is *unacceptable*.

why am *i* not ashamed of the gospel? i am not ashamed of the gospel because i am not ashamed *in* the gospel - it is the only *place* of being where there IS NO SHAME...!!!!!

to me, that is the essence of shame. being unable to stand, to justify one's own existance or state of being. of not being *ok*.... even where God has said we *are* ok, even though it's ok - in fact preferred! - that we are *not* ok!!! (He has chosen the weak and foolish over the 'ok' - 1 Cor 17:27-29)

it's the difference between being *in* error, and being *an* error.
it's the difference between being a human with flaws, and being flawed for being human.
it's the difference between "here i am, just little ol' me", and "here i am, but i shouldn't be".

and the gospel that brought me to Jesus is the very reason why, when i've done all i can do, i *can* stand, unashamed, accepted, wanted. but where shame is the experience of being so existentially flawed that i should not even exist, "Jesus....who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the throne of God..." He went to the place where my very shame dictates i should go.... He went in my place. He removed my shame. in Him, and only in Him, can i stand, can i be, can i live and move and have my being....

Eph 6:13 keeps coming to mind: "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.".... i see a hill, a battlefield wasteland, littered with bodies, the enemy crowing, fierce, towering above..... "see, you are nothing!" .... and i am in rags, bloody, weary, alone, defenseless, my weapons stolen from my very hands, no help around me - no friend or angel or army of God....... and *yet*....... nevertheless..... i straighten my knees and rise to stand on my feet.... i stand, frail, in defiance, the enemy having done all he can to defeat me; me having done all, exhausting my every resource.... yet he *cannot* take away my being... my existence, my state of position in Christ.... me. he may be able to take my life (according to the will of God, of course) - but he *cannot* cast me down....he cannot take my humanity from me, my acceptance away from me, my redemption, my inheritance, or my status as a child of God. i can *stand* before the enemy, with nothing left to fight with, and no strength or resources within myself to call upon, with no weapon other than the sheer knowledge that *i am loved* by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and knowing *nothing* can take that away.... and so i stand - i can stand, and i *will* stand - having done all... defiant, victorious, secure, in peace, and UNASHAMED.

if the gospel, in effect, un-ashamed could i ever be ashamed of the gospel?

Saturday, December 06, 2008

blog remodelling!!!

so, as you can see, i successfully changed the template - then modified it to death! - to have three columns. yay!!!! and i did almost all of it by ekeing out of my goofy memory the different css 'n' html taggies and whatnots!!! whoo hoo!!!!

(i've seriously impressed myself with this, lol! i wouldn't have thought that i - or should i say this weird brain of mine - would be able to pull that off! - and it didn't even take that long!.... seriously, i am amazed.... but all the glory be to God!!! - The Brain Designer Extrodinaire!!!!! this brain would be but a lump of goo without Him.)

the only problemo was, AGAIN, blogger ate my list of Me Wee Speshul Frenz.... i think i got it all or mostly back, but if you are not on the list, and were - or want to be - comment!!!! ok? i just about panic when i see that list disappear, and it's done this a few times on me now, not always when editing my template, either! grrrr!!!!

that said, this template layout is gonna be *much* easier on my end... less ceaseless scrolling down to find things.... and it fits my screen perfectly. for people with smaller screens, you might have to scroll right to see the righthand sidebar, but i put the archives and stuff in the lefthand one so it's more likely to be on *everyone's* screen.

feedback welcome, too. far as i can tell, it works just find in IE. ... don't get me started on IE. grrrrrrrrrrr. 'nuff said.

this december sucks

ok, i'm gonna be bare, here. be nice to me.... it is....'s 'offish' - i've decided this december sucks.

i've never had a hard time with the holidays.... but usually i've had some money to ease things through.... and a car.

but this year:

  • i've never felt so poor.
  • i've never *been* so poor.
  • i've never felt so lonely.
  • i've never felt so listless.
  • i've never felt so sick of being sick (almost 2 months).
  • i've never felt so housebound.
  • i've never *been* so housebound.
  • i've never been so alone with just me, myself, and i.
  • i've never wished i could have a pet quite this much,
  • and my house has never felt so big and empty!

i've also never felt quite this 'transportationally dependant'.... the car - i want to blow it up. i can't stand the thought of it mildering away for the winter, unused (it takes forever to warm up and i don't have much gas so i haven't bothered), the tires going flat again, it's covered with snow, and at any time i expect the landlords to come knocking saying 'get that thing out of here!' feels like 'mom's last great monkey on my back' - and an expensive one at that. i don't know what to do with it, i don't know who to talk to about it, and i don't want to put this monkey on anyone else's back!!!!

it would be a relief if it would just disappear on me. *sigh*.

now... if i could just... get down... there... and rescue... my sleeping bag... from the back seat.... cuz it wasn't cheap either., because a friend treated me to my groceries this week.... *wows n thankfulness* .... i was able to spare a wee bit for my favorite magazine - the one and only magazine that i've ever promised myself i would get *every issue* of because it's so creatively inspiring... you would *think* it would feel like a lovely treat and a little pick me up.... but no, i feel horrible and guilty for buying it for 'wasting the money on myself', especially after someone else picked up the tab on my necessities!!!.....

...mentally i know - at least i think i know - it's stupid... but i can't get over it thus far. ...and i see other people going christmas shopping, and thinking about cards and wrapping and gifts.... and i wish i could. much as i'd like to send out cards, nope. not an option this year. not even murry chrishmush. don't even got the ink to print some out and *hand* them to people. oh woe is me, self-piteous me, right? well, bleh.

and the thing bringing me to tears right now? i have $30 (plus change) in my wallet. i can either use it for my ticket for the christmas banquet,or... groceries to last until the 17th. hem, haw. what the hell do i do? ...and here i blew $10 on my favorite magazine? *whack*

i do have a few free movie rental tickets i got early this fall, but... a friend didn't take a movie back till it was a few days late, so i have about $25-30 in late fees. rendering the free movie tickets basically useless. ...maybe *thats* where the money should go - paying my debts!?! aarrrgghhh!!!!!

yup, this december officially sucks.

but hey, look on the bright side, i found my clodhoppers.


*later*:... i'm gonna get these buttocks out of the house. i'm going to take some of said moneys and put on my found clodhoppers and walk to timmies and get a hot coffee and sit, and either read or write (haven't decided yet). the $2.00 expense of having fresh air, exercise, a destination - and time out of the house!!! - is cheaper than my beloved long-lost ball class.... *sniffs*. and dang it, i'm worth it! .... well, at least right now that's the overriding opinion....

christmas card...?

i was showing a friend the fun to be had with picnik and came up with this fun card. thinking of sending it out to everyone for christmas this year, what do you think?


thanks, adam!!!! *groans*.... lol! seeing that band aid video and seeing BANANARAMA on it made me go video roaming!

these guys were my *favorite* when i was like...10 or 11? this song in particular.

gosh.... i feel old.... :P

Friday, December 05, 2008

watch me paint

watch me paint the painting i painted on artPad!!!! it's kinda cool.

watch here.

i got tired and stopped when i could have kept going. but, y'know. art is hard for me.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

mother and child reunion

hmm, i was trying to find the version of this song i remember from when i was a kidlet... this is not quite it, but it's the closest version. i think it may have been one of those studio remakes where they try to make it sound like the artist but... it's not the artist? i think it may have been a copy of this one. it's sooo close, but no cigar... and it's definatly not one of those very tropicana sounding versions either..... raggae, that's it. its was a definately non-raggae version. this is close....

also, a version by the morning benders is close too. (it's on my playlist)


via tan-tan!

1) Favorite object in your room? my quilt... stuffies... pillow... and my mattress (cotton/wool from ikea yummm)....!!!!
2) Have you ever smoked heroin? nope. i didnt even know you could smoke it! :P
3) Do you own guns? nada one.
4) What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? i've never been to a sonic.
5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? not usually!
6) What do you think of hot dogs? so cute... i can haz doxie?
7) Favorite song? anything from jason uptons 'trusting the angels' cd
8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? milk. oh, ok, i confess, coffee... with lots of milk and demerera sugar... but i'm trying to avoid coffee too much.
9) Can you do push ups? no.... strong arms, weak back. i sag!!!
10) Can you do a chin up? no, i'd have to bulk up good if i were to chin up *my* weight, lol!

11) What's your favorite piece of jewelry? silver ring i got when i went down to tsawassen last march...
12) Do you like blue cheese? if it were cheddar or swiss and colored blue, yes... the moldy stuff? uh... never tried it. don't know that i want to, either!
13) Ever been in a car wreck? no
16) Middle name? clomina
17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? hungry, crampy, tired.
18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday? gum, magazine, gum.
19) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? water, juice, milk. and yeah... coffee.
20) Current worry? don't know.

21) Current hate right now? pain.
23) How did you bring in the New Year? i forget... that was 11 months and 4 days ago!
24) Where would you like to be right now? in bed, asleep.
25) Name three people who will complete this? i do not know. i know at least two who already did...
26) Do you own slippers? yup.
27) What shorts are you wearing?? hello, i'm a GIRL.... girls wear *pahhnties* lol
28) Do you sleep on satin sheets? disgusting - sweaty and slippery.
29) Can you whistle? yup, two different ways (puckered up, and through my teeth).
30) Would you answer a naughty question if it were here? nope.

31) Would you be a pirate? yup. a jolly cartoon one. GARRRR, MATEY!!!!!
32) What songs do you sing in the shower? usually opera, lol. sempre libre. una voce poco fa. casta diva.
33) Favorite girl's name? dunno.
34) Favorite boy's name? dunno.
35) What's in your POCKET? don't got none on.
36) Last thing that made you laugh? dana gettin' fresh! lol
37) Best bed sheets? cotton jersey.
38) Worst injury you've ever had? torn ligament in my ankle.
39) Do you love where you live? pretty much.
40) How many TVs do you have in your house? 1. no cable.

41) Who is your loudest friend? me!
42) How many dogs do you have? zippo.
43) Does someone have a crush on you? yes...
44) What does your last text say? i cant remember, it was a long time ago, lol!
45) What is your favorite book? the attributes of God, by ... something pink.
46) What is your favorite candy? right now, gummy bears
47) Favorite Sports Team? bleh
48) Where is the next place you want to travel to? tsawassen
50) What was the first thing you did this morning? rolled over.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

i have answers! - health update

ok, so i saw the doc today. this is what he said:

basically i had an intestinal infection (unknown what kind of parasitic(protozoic/amoebic?)infection it was) but recent tests shows the antibiotics successfully killed it off.

NOW what is happening is because my gut had such a terrible (his word) infection, and all the medicines to get rid of it, and not eating, my intestines are USED to being empty and FOOD HURTS it.

so as for the CONFUSION of 'what the heck? lynnie can eat one day but not the next?' is because every time i ate something 'normal' my gut freaked out. and i'd spend a couple days worse off again and in bed. (why did i not connect the two?)

...and the last few days my body, thinking i'm going to eat *normal* food again, has been rejecting *everything*, to the point of nausea and 'almost losing that cracker i just managed to get down', lol!!!.... even one sip of regular ensure and i'd gag. brushing my teeth has been decidedly *not* fun! (like what, tummy, i'm going to eat the toothpaste? not a chance! ... but tum tum not know that, right tum tum? it's all ok....) :D

so all the cramping and gut pain is cuz i'm empty (stinkin' hungry!) but every time i eat it says, 'I'M NOT READY YET!!!!' (that's how the doc put it, lol!)

at least that's how i understand it. AHHH.... now it kinda makes sense!

SO. the next step to lynnie (and tummy) getting back on her/their feet?

well, the doc gave me *another* medication (on top of the anti-cramp med) that helps my tummy take food and pass it on to the intestines... which in effect helps the nauseous person eat. it's often used to help people taking radiation/chemo be able to eat, too.

and i have to do it in small portions. a little at a time, frequently, building up - slowly! - in volume and ... uh... foodiness? ie, starting with broths, working from diluting my ensure to drinking it full strength, adding runny cream of wheat, eventually oatmeal.... NOTHING oily, ie. NO peanut butter. ...adding some white rice again, white bread/toast (that's where he mentioned *no peanut butter!* lol...).... bananas....

... basically taking it a LOT slower (patience, Lord, i need patience!!! cuz i'm hungry and i wanna eat!!! and i want PIZZA!!!!!! lol).... and ... yeah. SLOWLY but steadily upping it. no pizza for at least a coupla weeks, if i'm good at taking it slow.

and for the time being, cramping and pain is the order of the day. endurance training! what an adventure!!!! :D

boney m

the video on adam n char's blog got me thinking of this song (chain of thought-events there, eh?) ... i LOVE this song!!!! but i'd never seen the video before, lol!

and i had no idea they did 'rasputin'... and i LOVE this song too, lol! (now it makes sense why i would like them both so much, ha!)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

details in the fabric

beautiful song... beautiful video someone made to it... don't mind the bit of swearing, it's worth the watch.

Monday, December 01, 2008


oh. i looked at the bc health guide today, thinking about my paaaiiin... ugh.

anyways, under 'check your symptoms', abdominal pain...

"Do you have a fever of 101°F (38°C) or higher with signs of severe infection, such as shaking chills?"

.... yes i did, friday/saturday. 38.7, actually, and definitely shaking chills.

the recommendation?
Red "Yes"

You have answered "Yes" to a question that indicates you may need immediate care. Call your health professional now to discuss your symptoms and arrange for your care.
* Symptoms are likely to worsen without medical care.
* If you do not have a health professional, seek emergency care.
* Emergency transportation is not needed. However, if you are not able to travel safely either by driving yourself or having someone else drive you, call an ambulance.

oh. i guess i should have gone in, then. but i stubbornly didn't want to be a waste of precious gov't resources, so i (perhaps stupidly) stuck it out.

i love the bc health guide. it tells you the recommended course of action. no guesswork.

my problem i was too sick to look it up. :-(

now i'm feeling less in dire straights, and i have a dr appointment on wednesday morning. hopefully the test results will be in and i'll have some more clue as to what the heck is going on!!!!

i'm down to heavily diluted juice..... and Ensure drinks - but i'm even diluting the Ensure, too....

is anybody even reading these tales of woe? (hey, i'm sick, it's what i'm dealing with, NO MASKS, right?...)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

to write love on her arms...

an incredible movement, reaching out to hurting people. the video is a bit slow at the start, but well worth the watch and listen.... but turn up your volume, it's a little quiet... the text of the story he starts reading partway through, then the girl takes over reading, is found here, under 'the story'.

i like how it's not blatantly 'christian', but their core message is 'rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption,'... and that it's about 'the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.' .... beautiful...!... its not about conversion, it's about giving hope...

more from the girl, renee:

doing the work of the kingdom. broken people coming alongside other broken people.

....reminds me a lot of the video we watched in cell last week, about the book 'unchristian' we are beginning to study at church.

the third annual to write love on her arms day is dec. 3. participate by writing the word love on your arms.... check out some of the moving photos.

to write love on her arms
on facebook

post secret


PostSecret: A Lifetime of Secrets

(this one has a brief comment re: sexuality):
PostSecret Mini-Movie

plane landing

whoa.... from where i live i often see the planes turning in to make a landing at the airport.... i just saw one coming in, pretty low, it seemed to be turning really sharply, and even a bit like it was being..... blown?.... to one side...... but there was no wind to speak of. the trees were completely calm, not a branch was swaying in the least....

so i forgot about it and went back to what i was doing.

... but only a minute or so later i hear this *noise*.... it was the wind! it was - and still is - blowing really hard, some gusts sound like it could take a part of the roof off, the trees leaning at 45 degree angles, rotting leaves blowing up in front of the second story window..... WEIRD!!!!!

i sure hope the plane is ok!!!! that must a been the worst turbulence i can imagine, i hope the people weren't too scared... i've heard no explosion or sirens or anything so i can only suppose that the plane either landed safely or is going to land at a different airport (as often happens here).... whoa.

its funny, weird funny.... often, when i see a plane coming in for a landing, i almost grit my teeth, flinch, and listen and wait.... and am relieved when i hear no *boom*. today this is the freakiest of them yet!!!!!!

weird. i mean, it was DEAD CALM..... and suddenly WHOOSH!!!!!! lols

normally i *love* the wind, but right now the wind seems freaky..... *shivers*


hmmm.... moving.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

oh how fast one can eat their words....

in my last post, almost 24 hours ago, i said, "so far i can still sit up at the computer for short periods of time, in between rests...."

..... HA. that was the LAST time i sat up to do anything until right now.... and i'm petering fast.

but while my body says GO...LAY...DOWN..., my brain is so bored it says WAIT, JUST ONE POST!!!! lol....

so, for the last 24 hours, i had incredible body pain, fever spikes, chills, shaking, sweating, nausea, heart pumping 120 bpm (at rest)... on top of my continuing gut problems!!!.... maybe a flu on top of whatever is bugging my gut???

.... i've had a few times i thought i just might be dying..... i thought, gee, have i got sepsis (from my gut infection)? should i go to the hospital?.... (gee, now looking at the symptoms of sepsis, maybe my concern wasn't too far off...!!)

...but nobody else seemed real concerned - take two tylenol, keep up your fluids, get lots of rest.

so i stuck it out.....and i'm feeling less like i'm dying right now, lol.... still have a fever, but its down a bit (37.5C instead of the 38.7C it was last night...) ... continuing prayer would be great tho... i still feel pretty dang SICK..... *sighs* .....

but my brain's finally kicked in to *i can think again!* mode!!!!.... i remembered the *lovely* pork roast i made in the slow cooker on thursday, with baby potatoes.... turned out sooo delicious... and now it's sitting in the fridge waiting to be eaten, and I CAN'T EAT!!!!!! lol..... flat and dilute ginger-ale is what i'm subsisting off of right now.... so i finally dragged the phone to my ear, wearily dialed, and managed to query some friends as to whether they'd like to adopt said lovely pork roast.... they'll get back to me.

... it was well cooked, promptly refridgerated, and will be safe to use until sunday evening.... if any one is interested in picking it up, give me a call, and if my friends don't want it, it's yours....

but i wouldn't be suprised if no one wanted food from sick-girls house, lol~!!!

and now i'm feeling on the verge of falling over, so it's back to bed for me. ciao!

Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter