i have a shelter

amazing video

paul washer on families, dating, and relationships. it's long, 120 minutes, but it's way better than any crapola movie and you come away from it fed and built up rather than sucked dry and polluted. great teaching on whys and why nots of dating and family authority, etc. his bluntness is a breath of brisk fresh air!

the Truth that takes my breath away...

when asthma = a cold behind... He is mindful!

what i read, when i had to leave the prayer room tonight, an hour into the prayer meeting, because someone came in wearing strong cologne... which resulted in an sudden and unresponsive-to-medication asthma attack, having to leave the area, and winding up sitting alone, discouraged, on the cold hallway floor:

12 The LORD has been mindful of us;
He will bless us;
He will bless the house of Israel;
He will bless the house of Aaron.
13 He will bless those who fear the LORD,
Both small and great.
~Psalm 115, nkjv

He is mindful of me... of my challenge... my cold behind and disappointed heart. what He's doing in it, i don't know... but He is working out His plans.... :)

croak, i'm a frog - our sovereign God!

all week i've had a nigglin' feeling in my throat, but nothing came of it... after the brian doerksen concert i had only half a voice for all the screamin' i did (for my rock-god God, not brian doerksen, lol). but the voice came back, and just kept having the tickle.

well, this morning i woke up a bit croaky. but i made it through worship (singin' backup) just fine... except for one cough that brought something up. then this afternoon i had two more productive coughs, and tonight it's taken off.... and i'm croaky and can feel it settling in my chest.

God's grace is huge. He saw me through this week until i did my singerly-duty. and now His grace for me includes fighting this cold. He is radically sovereign (not just a 'little' sovereign!) and this is part of His sovereign plan. He is simply amazing!!!

someone mentioned today that someone they knew was recently told that their cancer was 'of the devil'.... and not God's will. ---what a poor representation of our sovereign God!!!! and guilt inducing - the idea is that if we just 'catch hold' of God's will, it will go away... and if we don't, it won't. and thus, if it doesn't go away, it's our fault.

hmm, no. it's GOD's 'fault'... and yet there is NO 'fault' -whatsoever- in Him for sovereignly determining that we go through suffering.

i've been under that same condemnation and blame and responsibility much of my life.... so it makes me angry. i've gotten a revelation - am still getting a revelation! - of His sovereignty over that, and the freedom He has for us from that horrid, non-biblical mindset. who do ppl think they are to dump that load of garbage on one of God's precious children?!? arrrgh!!!!

God, help me direct my anger to it's true source - not the ppl that believe it, but 'every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God' - principalities and powers and rulers of... y'know. the enemy.

Holy God

psalm 13

brain doerkson. :)

revamp!

yay, finally got around to doing something i've been meaning to do for a while... move my craft blog links to my craft blog and keep this blog sphot specifically friend/God/life related.

still to do... check over all my links and fix dead links or remove links that don't fit or apply anymore. start adding labels/tags to new and recent posts (entire archive ain't gonna happen! labels didn't even *exist* when i started blogging, lol)...

and, uh, start writing more about my disability and difficulties. i've pretty much reserved that (mostly) for private writings, but... i'm thinking i'm moving to a bit more transparency here, so... yeah. pray for wisdom for me!

i still like my extra-wide blog format (otherwise i got tons of dead space on my screen that i'd rather use textually than just ornament with pre-made blog templates - yeah, i always go the most challenging route!)... but i may update colors/graphics, as well. and maybe move stuff around in my columns....

oh, and definately clean up my playlist!

anyways... hope you enjoy this nutbucket blog, in whatever shape and form it's in!!!! :D

if i was moving to a new city and had to find a new church...

... and there were no churches like ours, and i *had* to choose between 'reformed' theology (God's sovereignty) and 'charismatic' theology (flowing in the gifts of the Spirit)... because there were no churches that taught both.... *ugh* i'd hate to have to forfeit either.... but i'd have to lean towards a church that taught reformed theology first.

there are a lot of charismatic (charismaniac?) churches that are poor on theology, and they may flow, but how accurately are they flowing (and what exactly are they flowing in?) is at question. if they are not teaching a sovereign God, then are they worshipping God is all His fullness...?

but in a reformed setting, God is sovereign, that is the teaching, and *i* could flow in the Holy Spirit 'covertly' (ie one can anointedly speak a prophetic encouraging word, and it just not be 'called' that...)...

i'd rather be thought of as a worship nutcase (arms flapping, etc) but with good theology in a conservative setting, than thought a case of 'appears to worship God with all her heart' (like everyone else, with passion) but is really (tsk tsk) a theological whackjob (oh those calvinists.)

but aside from that (it's not about what ppl think), i *need* (because of what i've come through in my life) to be in an environment where God's sovereignty is proclaimed above all else, even at the expense of 'flowing in the Spirit'... because it's Truth about who God is.... ie. GOD. whereas if that's not preached, and it's supposed freedom in the Spirit, yet with unbiblical theology', is it really freedom in the Spirit, if you are taught that so much of God's plan depends on *you*, outside of God's sovereignty? to me, there's no freedom in that....

i would rather have my expression shackled but be able to worship God as GOD, like paul and barnabus (it was barnabus, right?) in the 'prison' of my expressionless body, but in the freedom of my soul... than to dance and praise in body and mouth in a church that appears to be free but am unable to mesh with my brothers and sisters in worship of a truly sovereign God, because God is not seen as - or being taught as - completely, totally, and utterly sovereign.....


(this is how i feel and i reserve the right to express my feelings and opinions on this blog. if you disagree, you may comment, but be respective of my opinion, and my 'right' (before God) to it, because it *is* my blog, not an open forum. thnx.)

God's Sovereignty is 'all over' my disability and brokenness

very profound truth:

Yet, we are quick to assume that success in his (or our) chosen vocation could be from God, but his leprosy (or our children with disabilities) just sort of happened without God bringing it about. How sad. God’s sovereignty over all things is very good news and I am glad to embrace it.(source)

go read the rest of the article, heck, the whole series. it's worth it.

a doeble doerksen day!!!

(did i spell that right? ;)

i am SO blessed by God today.... first, a friend had invited me to a worship workshop with brian doerksen, and it was two hours of awesome food for thought and inspiration. i also got to embarrass myself by practically jumping out of my seat to ask the first question, lol.

haha, i gotta tell you cuz it's so funny (at least it is to me!)... he said something like, 'so who's not shy like me and wants to ask the first question'... and i throw my hand out in the air and BLURT, 'i'm like the shyest person ever! (irony!)... HOW do you get past that?!?'

anyways, after that awesome blessing, this afternoon i got a call and someone offered me a ticket for the concert which had been sold out for quite some time. and talk about a FULL house. (750 ppl, someone said...?) my throat is hoarse from screaming so much. (i hope it comes back by sunday, i'm supposed to sing - pray, folks, pray!!!! lol). .....a screaming fanatic for my rock-God God, not brian doerksen himself of course. he's the servant of the Most High King, just like me.

anyways, i was doebly blessed and encouraged today... if he's shy and reserved and uncomfortable, and can do what he does with God's anointing, surely God can and will anoint me to step out to do the little He as called *me* to do!!! WHHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!~~~!~!!~!!!!~!!!~!!!!

dance with me

free falling

Ben Rector - Free from TK McKamy on Vimeo.

fascinating.

stream of consciousness

did this before. thought i'd do it again! :)

I Am
so very tired...

I Want
restoration

I Have
hope in God's covenantal promises

I Wish
it were here, *now*!!!

I Hate
my own impatience

I Fear
it will never come...

I Hear
God's promise, in His Word....

I Search
for signs of it in my life

I Wonder
if my life is as void as i see it as, or if there are really streams of living water flowing out of my belly that i am unaware of?

I Regret
that i have so much unbelief

I Love
God's faithfulness and acceptance of me, the wretch that i am...

I Ache
to be with Him, in *that* day...

I Always
breathe deeply when i think of that

I Usually
feel sad that i'm still here!

I Am Not
giving up!

I Dance
for Him

I Sing
for Him

I Never
want to disappoint Him

I Rarely
fail to disappoint myself

I Cry
over my innate wretchedness

I Am Not Always
as accepting of myself as God is...

I Lose
faith in God's ability to use me

I'm Confused
as to my purpose in being here

I Need
to rest in Him

I Should
lay off the pile of 'shoulds' i lay on myself

I Dream
of one day being - finally - carefree....

teh ten commanments of ceiling cat

(fyi, 'ceiling cat' - white or light cats or cats perching in high places - is lolcat for 'God' (from up in heaven), and 'basement cat' - black or dark cats or cats that are in basements or holes - are 'satan' or 'demons' (from 'down below'). just in case you didn't know about the whole ceiling cat/basement cat lol cat phenomenon, lol)


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

hungry and expectant... and demanding

(source)

went to tim hortons for a coffee treat yesterday, and just sat outside on the picnic table and watched. people, traffic, birdies.

there was a pair of birds that were scavenging under a different picnic table and while they both seemed almost the same size, one was definately behaving like a babe. it was following around the adult, hop, hop, ruffle feathers, chirp chirp, loud noisy, demanding chirps. mama (or papa?) bird was picking up stuff from the ground, and turned around and deposited it into the open mouth of the baby which was always practically right behind it. and oh, demanding!! cheep! cheep! CHEEP!!! no quiet peeps, these. reminded me of a two year old demanding a cookie and about to go into a fit if it didn't get one. i could just see the baby birdie going into a shivering, flapping fuss if it wasn't getting fed. what it got fed was no choice of it's own, but what the adult bird put in it's mouth. but fed - now - is what it demanded.

do i follow my Papa around like a hungry birdie? demanding - and expecting - food for the day? what ever food is His will??? that He is ever faithful to turn around in response and deliver???

sadly, i do not.

change me, Papa. make me hungry... make me demanding... make me expectant.

feelihg a little windswept?

just remember how much bigger the Rock you are rooted on is!

on the phenomenon of expressive reactions to vivid visual input... bahaha....

so tonight was our first home group of the season, and i was so excited. hyper. happy. and as usual, my brain just would NOT shut off and every euphemism coming out of someones mouth was gloriously visualized by my wacky brain, very vividly, exploding into my inner vision like a flood. imagination on steroids, yup, that's me.

(honestly, it just erupts out of me with no little chance of coralling it, ack, i'm sorry!!!!)

so i think this was my expression over and over and over and over and over again, this good night.... WITH sound effects. *sighs*

i was even sprawled out on the sofa.... :P

***

***

***


see more Lolcats and funny pictures

BAHAHAHA!!!!!

soon

on prayer

an amazing sermon on prayer that i really needed to hear.

the preacher is Terry Virgo. (Adrian Warnock is the person providing these videos, not the speaker.)

part 1:

Elijah Prays For Rain from Adrian Warnock on Vimeo.

part 2:

Elijah Prays Part Two from Adrian Warnock on Vimeo.

an amazing story of Joy.... in prison.

and how it applies to our life and walk. i encourage you to check it out!

"When you don't have a mission, you're just waiting to die."

***

"Now, I need to give you a warning before you leave."

A warning? Andrew eyed Pablo cautiously.

"Here it is: The more joyful you get, the more you'll want to die," said Pablo.


~~from "Imprisoned Joy", pts 1 and 2.

why would i want to live anywhere but in this part of the world?!

i mean, seriously?!?

these guys went on a trek to Princess Royal Island, where the kermode bear preserve is. its amazing.



Journey of the Spirit Bear - July/Aug 2009

the supremacy of Christ

phenomenal.