Monday, February 12, 2007

meditations on me-ness

me and me vonderbar church family, singing o canada in the middle of LA, go figure! lol .... (pic courtesy.... ruth?)


i was browsing thru the pics in my 'my pictures' folder and came across this one, and it gots me to wondering, WHY DO I ALWAYS STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB? everyone else is like totally wonderfully NORMAL.....

why me, God?! .... lol, God must always be part of the equation, becuase He does all things well, and He created me the way i am, so there is a reason, a WHY, why it's me!

ok. my preference? to hide in the back row. me just being me, in the back row, as tho being in the back row mutes out my me-ness, my colorfulness.... my larger than life -uh- ...me?

(i remember painfully taking the seat in the front row, cuz i didn't want to be in the front... but not just front, but front-and-centre front!!!! aarrgghh!!!!! how embarrassing!!!!).

ok.... so why hide my me-ness? God created me to be ME, didn't He? so why am i ashamed of being me?

aha, shame. the S-word. either i'm doing something wrong and am 'deserving' of such shame, or it's a lie from the pit of hell.

thing is, i'm not purposely peacockin' it, strutting my stuff, trying to stand out.... i want to hide and be unnoticed!!!.... but the call God has on my life to be who He created me to be, 100%, continually overrides my tendency to want to 'dress down' or 'be less lynnie'. i want to be who He made me to be, period.

so 'shame' is a lie from the pit of hell.

so, what purpose does that lie from the pit of hell serve?

to keep what God created bottled up, locked away, hidden from sight.

OH.

....so that means what God created He WANTS to be released, freed, and visible?!

*gasp*

(runs to hide in corner)

why ME, God?

maybe because i do not have it in my 'nature' to go about strutting *my* stuff.... i want to strut nothing other that GOD's stuff. maybe because i am someone who wants to be completely faithful to what God entrusted me with.... even if it's hard.... even if it's difficult for me..... shy me, reserved me, wants-to-hide-away me....

*sigh*... ok, so i stick out like a sore thumb.... why ME?

why NOT me!

the vessel cannot say to the Potter, why have You made me thus?

it's His call. if He wants me front-and-center, then He wants me front-and-center, period!

i can be disobedient; or i can be obedient.

one path is easier, the other a whole lot harder.....

which is totally the way God does things, isn't it?!
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Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter