where is home?

(just some jumbled thoughts...)

at first this picture touched me, and that was that. but then it got me thinking...



i want that sense of being Home, now, 'rite heres', even though i'm not... by virtue of being in His arms, and knowing and sensing it, and it being a very real feeling.

i *know* i am home in His arms... but my sense is of being homesick, wishing i could go home, to His physical presence i mean, because i don't feel it so much here. i long for a sense of being Home....

i operate in the Kingdom in a very analytical way, i *know* it, but don't feel it. my whole adult life, my sense sensing sensors have been turned off, on pause, or otherwise non-functioning. i have to ask myself sometimes, what is my body telling me? what are my emotions telling me? so very disconnected from the sensors...

i know God's sovereignty well, i have revelation for that, for me it's simple. a sense of God's LOVE, tho? i *know* He IS love, so it's part of His divine nature, and all His thoughts towards me and actions regarding me are going to operate out of that.

i know that in my head, but having a *feeling* of God's love? having a feeling of His tender nurturance, His arms about me? few and far between.

part of it is my upbringing, that has taught me to disconnect from anything subjective, emotion, sense, or otherwise, and to not trust it, or even validate it. so any revelation of His tender arms has been by just that, revelation, not that i feel them. and they have been hard-won revelations, too, in that there have been some who have brought question to them being really of God... and it took Him years to get through to me that yes, it was really Him.....

... and so i cling to those revelations. i *know* i am in His arms, i am HOME....

but just now and again, i'd like to feel it.

homesick.... that's a good word for it.