God is so gracious.
i have not been reading my bible much, instead choosing to spend all my time on the computer learning web design and doing artwork and yakkin' on the hippie boards (but at least that ones all about Jesus!!!!!)...
anyways, i have been feeling rather horrid about all this... the last time i read the bible a few days ago i was reading in hebrews about all the ol' folks of faith who walked and talked with God and did great things. and when i compared that to me sitting on my butt in front of a computer screen, i felt rather BAD. how can i live up to that? i can't even get myself off the computer before 2 am, never mind do all that stuff....
...ah, the performance mentality rears it's ugly head....
well, last night at a church meeting i had a good chat with some people, and i came home feeling encouraged about things, about life in general... a lot encouraged. and i managed to get off the puter by 1:30 am! and i went to bed and fell asleep reading the bible. like i used to every night up until about a week ago...
...and what did i read? just picked up where i left off, in hebrews, which is where my pen was tucked. and up at the top left corner was hebrews 12:1.... 'therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author [originator] and finisher [perfecter] of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross...'
...and for once i didn't feel condemned by that passage. it's always been, all these great people are watching me, so i gotta run, i gotta live up to what 'the faith' demands, i gotta find the endurance some how to run, and staring ahead at Jesus, the great judge of how well i do....
but today, i remembered all those great men and women of God who did all those great things, and remembered that while they screwed up big time, they failed and screwed up, but they just walked in faith that God was going to get them where they were going, and just ran. they truly laid aside every weight (of the law, of expectation, of performance mentality) and ran, running free from burdens and expectations, walking in hope of the coming redeemer that would take their sins and burdens away....
and i realized that I am to run free, free in the fields of faith, with the clouds above in the blue sky, the clouds of all those who have gone before me in the freedom of faith, who are not judging, but watching and clapping and cheering me on, and at the end of the course is Jesus with His arms open, waiting with joy for me to finish the race, the race He enabled me to run without weight or burden by dying on the cross for me, that for the joy of having fellowship with me He endured shame and the hostility of man... and that endurance, His endurance, is what gives me the endurance to run the race, not my strength but His... and this faith in which i need to run is not something i muster up, but is totally a gift from Him, He plants it in me, He is the Author of it, the Originator of it, it comes not from me but from Him... and i do not have to try to live up to some heavy expectation becuase it is not i who has to work at it, HE is the Perfecter of my faith, HE will bring me to the finish line...
...'For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls...'...
have i been weary and discouraged in my soul? yup, you bet, and now i am reminded that HE is the one who is the gas in my engine, HE is the wind in my sails, HE took my burdens and weight and sins upon Himself, so i need feel NO GUILT to cast those off like a bag of stones and run free.... it is for FREEDOM HE HAS SET ME FREE!!!!!!!!
as someone said yesterday, LIFE IS FOR LIVING. not dying under some burdon of condemnation, not stagnating in some set of self-imposed rules and expectations... life is given me by Jesus so that i may live and run free....
and i feel like whippin' off all my clothes like david did, and running in me undies through the fields of faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment