Sunday, January 28, 2007

stage fright

been thinking about why i hate playing in front of people.

well, i found a good article (here) on stage fright, in which the author, michael johnson, says basically, it's not about you, you are there to give the listeners a 'gift'.

it's not about you, it's about the message you are delivering to them.

i don't even want to perform in front of people... i was talking to a friend who said she didn't every want to be a 'musician' becuase that would destroy the worship in her.... and i wanted to agree for myself... but i think i just can't.

there is something about standing before people and proclaiming and declaring something God has spoken. what He's spoken to me is not for me, it's for others. i HAVE to be the loudmouth declaring it. i HAVE to be the loudspeaker. i HAVE to be the giver of the gift God has given....and doing that is also worship, becuase it's obedience.

even if i hate doing it.

sigh.... the fools God chooses to uses, eh?

He said to me that 'fear of getting proud' is an excuse to not speak what He's spoken to me. He has called me to speak - sing - play what He's given me to... and if i stand up and do what He's asked me to, HE will keep my heart from pride. .... don't use fear of pride as an excuse to not obey.

maybe it's the 'hating of the doing it' that He will use to keep my pride under control?

and now the enemy is saying, "you big fake, look at how much you are talking about yourself, naner naner naner...."

oh shut up. i shall keep on with the struggle to apply the Truth to my circumstances, thank you veddy much. grrr. >:(

"If you have a gift and don't use it, it will turn on you."
~ Michael Johnson

*******

giggles, me talking against the devil like that reminds me of the scenes in the movie "Luther" where martin luther is railing against him out loud and almost physically fighting against the powers of darkness. so hey, i guess i'm not the only one! :)

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Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter