well, i found a good article (here) on stage fright, in which the author, michael johnson, says basically, it's not about you, you are there to give the listeners a 'gift'.
it's not about you, it's about the message you are delivering to them.
i don't even want to perform in front of people... i was talking to a friend who said she didn't every want to be a 'musician' becuase that would destroy the worship in her.... and i wanted to agree for myself... but i think i just can't.
there is something about standing before people and proclaiming and declaring something God has spoken. what He's spoken to me is not for me, it's for others. i HAVE to be the loudmouth declaring it. i HAVE to be the loudspeaker. i HAVE to be the giver of the gift God has given....and doing that is also worship, becuase it's obedience.
even if i hate doing it.
sigh.... the fools God chooses to uses, eh?
He said to me that 'fear of getting proud' is an excuse to not speak what He's spoken to me. He has called me to speak - sing - play what He's given me to... and if i stand up and do what He's asked me to, HE will keep my heart from pride. .... don't use fear of pride as an excuse to not obey.
maybe it's the 'hating of the doing it' that He will use to keep my pride under control?
and now the enemy is saying, "you big fake, look at how much you are talking about yourself, naner naner naner...."
oh shut up. i shall keep on with the struggle to apply the Truth to my circumstances, thank you veddy much. grrr. >:(
"If you have a gift and don't use it, it will turn on you."
~ Michael Johnson
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giggles, me talking against the devil like that reminds me of the scenes in the movie "Luther" where martin luther is railing against him out loud and almost physically fighting against the powers of darkness. so hey, i guess i'm not the only one! :)
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