Monday, August 18, 2008

Clover is

Clover is fearfully sharing some of the things she felt like putting on her facebook status and was too afraid to.

Clover is clinging to God's promise that He has a plan and purpose for her in the midst of craziness.

Clover is tired of being weak, sin-natured, and always struggling to just function.

Clover is tired of always being afraid of people judging her.

Clover is tired of always being told who to be.

Clover is scared of the immensity of her emotions.

Clover is tired of the fight to try to express her true feelings.

Clover wishes life was simpler, easier.

Clover is grateful for simple, strong arms that hug her when she is crying.

Clover is hurting.

Clover is feeling like a soccer ball - kicked.

Clover feels like a target.

Clover is pissed as hell.

Clover is tired of the fight to share her true feelings and then having it thrown back in her face as being self-piteous.

Clover wishes her life, experiences, pain, and very being were validated instead of crushed.

Clover is thankful for a friend who i can be myself, warts and all, with, and she still loves me - warts and all.

Clover is sick of being judged.

Clover is sick of people who are "me so holy".

Clover is sick of always trying to keep things bottled up to stay in control.

Clover wants to break things.

Clover wishes she was in a rubber room and could just let it all out.

Clover is not so good.

Clover is worth shit.

Clover is tired of hearing "rebuke that thought" when she's fighting to access her feelings and emotions for the first time in her life. guess what, it's a real feeling, and Jesus doesn't tell me to suck it up, girlfriend!

Clover is tired of hearing that she just has to try harder, pray more, and pull up her bootstraps.

Clover is tired of people who will only love and accept you if you meet their expectations of who you should be, how you should act, and how mature/healed/delivered you are instead of leaving that in God's hands and loving you anyways.

Clover is just plain tired.

Clover is tired of always being tired.

Clover is tired of life.

Clover wants to "run, run away".

Clover wants to go home. and home just isn't here.
Writ and/or posted by at

3 comments:

  1. Jenny8:03 p.m.

    Lynn, I hope that everything is okay with you!
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9:18 p.m.

    I don't know you as well as I'd like to..but I can relate to some of your status messages. It is hard to go with the flow..our lives are going somewhere even in the midst of what seems like nothingness and chaos.

    Sin is natural, we are human-we are flawed by nature and design. You aren't a horrible person because you sin. Don't worry.

    Emotions are hard to handle, hard to grasp, hard to figure out..all you can really do is go for the ride and try to figure them out as you go. You are strong, you can do it. Life is never simple-you just have to remember it could ALWAYS be worse.

    Never let people run over you, you are a human being and worthy of comfort, respect, and love. If you feel kicked, tell someone! The first step to respect is asking for it. If you are judged remember who and what matters. You are beautiful just how you are- imperfections make us beautiful.

    Stay strong my friend.

    Love,
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ruth8:28 a.m.

    wow!

    ReplyDelete

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Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter