Sunday, May 24, 2009

a foot in two worlds

to preface this, i am talking about believers. [ie not all non- or un- churched are un-believers, and not all who aren't currently involved in a church are not there because they are avoiding truth, and buried in sin, ok?]

i sometimes feel like i have a foot in two worlds.

i have my circle of friends *in* the church.... and i have my friends who are not *in* the church - mostly mentally ill.

oftimes it seems the goal is to get the mentally ill believers to come to church, then everything will be *a ok*. as tho..... *then* they'll get better... or *then* the problem is solved.

except it doesn't work that way.

sometimes they can't go to church because of the sheer volume of people - really triggers symptoms. can do that person in emotionally, as well as physically, for days.

sometimes they are extremely socially awkward. and well, when you feel awkward, others feel awkward, and awkwardly have a brief halloo, then awkwardly walk away. (this would be me.)

sometimes a person has a non-socially acceptable behavior that they cannot control, and people hold them at arms length 'until they get that under control'. i have to be very careful a lot of times to *not* instinctively bawl my friends out for saying something totally inappropriate, they can't help it, it's the nature of their illness, and withdrawing my love because of it doesn't help them one bit in growing their relationship with Christ.

my *home* is in the church. but, in a lot of ways, i relate better to the mentally ill. i am one of them. so i comprehend and have compassion for things most people don't have a clue about, and also feel most accepted and understood by my mentally ill friends much of the time, especially when i'm struggling. (it's a beautiful, rare soul that can comprehend it when they haven't been there themselves.... but these gifts from God... they are definately around! ;) )

what my heart cries out for is for these two worlds to mesh. where the mentally ill person can not come to church, or is free to stand up and sit as their twitching muscles demand (an extremely uncomfortable side-effect of medications), and not expect them to *sit still* and *behave*.

the *us and them* mentality breaks my heart. i know mentally ill people who are more grounded and stable in their faith than some people who are in church... and yet, the mentally ill one not attending church is somehow automatically considered to be *lesser* in their faith somehow.

we can say, *come as you are*, but when the reality is that you get the message that if you can't conform to the cultural norms of church, then really, should you be there..... how truthful is *come as you are*?

i have been in this church for 10 years, and struggle with being 'normal' and fitting in best i can. it is *hard*. and i am relatively "high-functioning". how much harder is it for those who are less-functionable?

i think and see and feel differently from most people. but with similarities to most of my mentally ill friends. i understand them. they understand me. and i think to most people it's a foreign language... or like we are from another planet, even, sometimes.

but please understand this: this church is AWESOME with accepting people as they are... even mentally ill people. (i think many churches fail miserably at this.) but i see that we can go SO MUCH FARTHER....

functioning people who have always functioned well have a hard time understanding what life is like for a person for whom basic day to day functioning is difficult... i can understand that. but to say, 'i don't get them' is basically proving that one has not gotten in the other person's shoes enough to relate to them. without relating, where's the relationship? there is none.

leprosy... i know in the bible it's a metaphor for sin. but it's also a metaphor for those who feel outcast for various reasons. i feel like going and starting a church for this kind of leper.... which is unfortunate. because there should be no separation.

in this area, it's not so much the leper that need's healing... it's the rest of us... who are lacking in grace and compassion.

when the emphasis is on excellence and big 'capacity' believers (i HATE that term), the rest of us just feel.... outside.


Clover

2 comments:

  1. We may never see perfect meshing on this side of heaven but you and others help the rest of the body of Christ to do that. You have served as a tremendous advocate for the mentally ill. If nothing else, many, myself included have a much (!) greater appreciation for what the mentally ill go through on a daily basis.

    ReplyDelete
  2. thanks tim... it helps me to hear that. :)

    ReplyDelete

Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter