Tuesday, October 27, 2009

anxiety vs anxiety

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith; and the beginning
of true faith is the end of anxiety."
-- George Müller

this has got me thinking. and i question this quote. why?

there is truth to it. but not total truth...

because this morning as i'm sitting here, typing, reading, musing, waking up, yawning, stretching, in total peace in God's sovereignty and grace...

...i'm having a bit of a panic attack. where adrenalin wants to swamp me, the world is caving in, and my head feels almost detached from my body.

but y'know? those things - while they may be occuring in my physical body - are outside the boat. me and Jesus are in the boat.

does that mean that i never fall out of the boat and am swamped and fearful, and not trusting God? no it doesn't.

but i'm illustrating that it's not necessarily that clear cut, that 'anxiety = lack of faith'.

Jesus Himself had some physical anxiety symptoms going on when He was sweating blood. but had He somehow lost some of His faith and knowledge that He was in the Father's hand? dare i say DUH?! of course not.

i'm not saying we are as solid in our faith as Deity, lol. but who are we to condemn ourselves and accuse ourselves of having walked out of faith just because we are trembling or sweating or our hearts are racing, and our brain is flooding us with images of 'what if what if what if'? those are all facets of the body revving up for survival. guess what... God made our bodies that way.

and i think we do the Creator God an injustice if we do not recognize the difference between bodily, physical anxiety, and the anxiety born of not walking in faith.

see, this morning i could easily feel condemned by that quote, because biochemical anxiety is running rampant in me. but i know i am secure in God's Hand, in His plan, in His grace. and not just know, but *know* in the depths of my being.

am i 'anxious' this morning? yes. ...but i am walking through this biochemical storm, and in a sense, looking at it from outside, above, through the eyes of God.... and going, *pshaw*... what an itty bitty storm in God's equation. and laugh, because i am so utterly safe.

so i let the storm blow itself off, the *what ifs* fall by the wayside, and go forward unconcernedly.... because i am cuddled up safe in the boat with my Jesus.

Lord, may i always stay here with You....


Clover
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1 comment:

  1. Tanya11:05 p.m.

    I'd give this a "like" if it was facebook! I too struggle with anxiety to the point where I feel sick to my stomache. Like this past week, I've been studying like a maniac...I'm falling behind and have only so much time left until my deadline. I felt sick yesterday, studying...but just had to...I couldn't stop myself, it was weird cause I am such a procrastinator. Today I wrote my exam...I just had to...there was no way that I could study one more day...I didn't care how I did (well, yes, I did care...but you know) I just had to...the thought of more studying drove me nutts. I guess in some ways the anxiety told me that enough was enough and that I just need to go for it to get it over and done with.

    I don't think anxiety is a lack of faith at all. Depending on what kind of anxiety it is I guess. Its not fun...and hard to pull yourself out of at times...but like the anxiety I was feeling...it was bad enough to just push me to do something so it would stop...and thankfully it didn't push me to do a bad thing in order for it to stop...I guess it could go either way for some.

    Anyways, I am rambling...but just wanted to say...good post!

    BTW...you and I seem to like a few of the same artists...you should check out Sanders Bohlke...love him! http://www.myspace.com/sandersbohlke

    Take care Lynne,
    xoxo

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