if you know the person didn't mean to offend, that their heart was right towards you and they were not in some kind of error, is it really an offense? it seems to me that it would be more of something that hurt becuase we have a sensitive scar, bruise, or even unhealed wound from the past, and that the occurance now is simply stirring up old pain, or current issues we are dealing with (or God is bringing up for us to deal with)..... and so our offense is not with the person, but with the unhealed or undealt with thing in our own lives.....
Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. " nkjv
it sounds like Jesus was talking specifically about a brother sinning against you. doing wrong. you have an offense, an 'ought' against them as the kjv says, becuase they ought to have done something different, they didn't do what they ought to have done....what they should have done. sin.
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i'm thinking that sometimes it's a grey area.... sometimes we think someone did something wrong towards us.... asking them if they intended or realized that ______ was the result of their speech or action. iron sharpening iron!
but something i'm wondering about .... if you had an issue in the past with a person where you feel they let you down badly, and it hurt, but you know they did not intend to hurt you..... and they felt they did the best they could don't understand AT ALL how it was they supposedly hurt you .... isn't it better to just live in peace with them? forgive them, and move on? seek God to heal the old wounds, and realize that if those wounds will be sensitive until they are healed? and resolve not to take personally what someone says or does, and extend forgiveness - instantly if possible - to the one who unknowingly bumps our bruise?
it seems to me, if a person mistakes an old/unhealed hurt - or undealt-with issue in their lives - for an offense, and keeps 'taking the offense to their brother'... they could just be a confusing pest to that person. if a person blames someone for their unhealed hurts or undealt-with issues, they are placing a burden on another person to somehow 'make right' something that isn't theirs to make right. and i feel that laying that kind of load on someone would be.... yup, sin on our part. and not something i 'ought' to do!
so, i definately don't want to do that. yeah, i have some bruises that are still kind of tender. but God is faithfulling bringing about WHOLENESS to the affected area(s). and i fully believe it would be wrong for me to go to the person(s) thru whom i 'got the bruise(s)' and say, in effect, 'look, you did this, don't you understand?', or 'why can't you admit you hurt me?', or 'why can't you just say sorry and make it all better?'..... over and over and over again..... (hmmm.... who is the accuser of the brethren, anyways?)
the 'grey' stuff is an entirely different situation than when a brother sins against us, in which case we are to continue pursuing it to 'resolution'/repentance: "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector."
Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." nkjv
....anyone have any thoughts or further insight on this?
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