well, so hmm.... i'm feeling a lot better in general, still some sinus pain but a LOT better than i was (glory to God). i've not written too much the last day or two (ie. since i've gotten better, when i wasn't writing either), partly because i've been buzy buzy buzy, but also... i just can't seem to find many words.
on sunday a friend asked what was up, cuz i was quiet. i think i just shrugged, said there was nothin' really, life is pretty good, God's awesome, donchaknow....
today another friend asked how i was doin'... i answered with my quasi-usual response, something along the lines of 'well, physically, my head feels a lot better though i still have a bit of headaches goin' on, and i'm tired... but spiritually, great...God is good!'.... when i didn't really offer more than that, she asked if i realized what season it was. "SAD season?" i said.... yup, that's what she meant.
peeps are worried i'm getting depressed.
well, who knows...could be, but it just as easily might not be.
yeah, i'm tired. yeah, i'm quiet. yeah, i'm feeling a little 'apart' from the world in a way. a little off-step, off-kilter, off-beat, lol!
but to a large degree, it's that what God is doing in my life i have a hard time putting into words right now.
and i think that's why i'm a little 'off' from the temporal realm... right now i'm processing a lot of stuff in the spiritual.
like what?
well, as usual, ever more confirmation of what He's spoken to me, and through me to others.... a sense of awe at how God would use such an ordinary vessel as me.... a constant laying down of things i thought i'd already laid down, but don't ya know, that was only the outer layer of the thing(s) - the part i 'knew' about - that i laid down.... a sense of fatigue to the depths of my soul, that i *know* that i *know* that i *know* God's ordained so i will lean on Him - allowing His strength to be shown perfect and glorious in my weakness.... the ever-and-always sense of general inadequacy that needs to be continually beat down with the truth of God's sufficiency and perfection.... combating some new layers of 'issues' - particulary rejection issues with regards to *ever* getting married and having kids (i mean, who would ever want to marry a "fat *old* fart" like me? (yeah, body size issues, age issues, and body orafice emission issues... but nobody can accuse me of not having a sense of humour about it! lol).... which leads to, again, the laying down of something of the heart, where a *possibility* wants to exalt itself and tries to set itself up to be my source of potential 'hope', 'joy', 'peace' - when only God is all that.... and to top it off, dealing with the broken-heart of the broken-dreams i had of wanting to sing opera (but God took my life in a complete other direction) that i managed to stir up out of hiding, by listening to the stuff the last few days while i was sick....
so all in all, deep things, non-specific things, general things, and some specific heart dealings.....
and through it all, God is speaking to me, ministering to me, ministering through me, encouraging me, enabling me, leading me, showing me, using me... and i feel a little bit more-than-ever out of sync with the world around me....
well, so lynne, how are you doing...?
hmm, well, tired and headachy.... and awesome...because my God is amazing.
Don't worry;I'll keep a watchful eye on you through God and make sure you don't fall into depression,as I know this is depression time,love yah
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