last wednesday night, i wrote an entry about offenses vs. old hurts, coming primarily from the perspective of 'having been offended', at various times or points in my life.
well, as 'fate' would have it (ahem, 'fate' = GOD), the very next morning someone called me and brought to my attention that something i said recently had wounded them. and as much as i felt grieved that something i said had obviously hurt them, i could not really understand what it was, exactly... i just couldn't get it. i still don't. and to top that off, i've been seeking God for what, three days now, and He has not shown me what i might have said that could have been taken as hurtful, or something i spoke in error.
so here i am, as the offender, on the other side of exactly the type of offense i was talking about the night before that call. 1) i don't get what hurt, and 2) my conscience is so far 'clear' - ie, God has not yet revealed to me anything i spoke that was not of Him, in fact, i feel more comforted that i spoke His heart, ie, instead of pricking my conscience, thus far He seems more to be soothing it!
so how can i be sensitive to the person who was wounded by what i said?
let this be known: I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THEIR PAIN IS REAL, THAT THEY HAVE A WOUND. i've been there, done that, i know it - it's very real, a very valid wound that God is going to have to heal in that person, and it's not one that is helped by the fact that the offender doesn't 'get it'. ...even tho i do not understand what caused the wound, i feel deeply for this person. i am grieved that they were hurt by something that i said.
but i am beginning to think (my brain is finally catching up to what was in my heart even the night before!) - that it is not necessarily a case of me causing a wound.... but of accidently bumping into a previously existing wound - one that is in some state of healing, but could well be a bruise, scar, or even something that ruptured open again. ...either that, or a 'zit' or 'cyst', a pus-filled pocket of poison or lies, that God wanted to break open to allow for healing. i don't know... but either way, the hurt is there. and i feel helpless to help.
at this point, i just feel like i need to leave it in God's hands... and keep seeking God to reveal to me what i need to know. becuase i do not want to fall into a sense of false righteousness - thinking i did right by God when i didn't - and thus allowing my heart to harden... i will keep tilling the ground and looking for rocks and error and pride regarding this issue. and if there are any, i know He will bring them to the surface.
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