Sunday, December 07, 2008

what is shame?

today's message was very good. here are a few thoughts o' mine...

first, what is shame? i could *not* relate to what was given as an example of shame to what *i* know of as shame. to me, the experience of things like having a big nose, developing hormonally before other girls, wearing old clothes, being chubby wubby, and other things that cause feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, or self-consciousness does not bring shame. it may *feed* shame, yes, but those feelings in and of themselves are not what i relate to as shame - inadequacy? yes. embarrassment? yes. self-consciousness? yes. but shame? - no.

here are the notes i jotted down, during the service, of what *i* experience shame to be:

what is shame? - it's not just feelings of inadequacy! .... it's the sense of "being" wrong - not wrong like having given a wrong answer - but foundationally, fundamentally *wrong*. ... not just flawed, but *a* flaw.

it has nothing with how others see you, it's how you've come to see yourself. ... like you do not belong on earth, like God made a mistake in making you. .... not apologizing for a wrong deed, but apologizing for your very existance.

not that you've made mistakes or are capable of mistakes, but that you *are* a mistake, and *only* capable of mistakes. it's not about having or not having hair, skills, or size... it's about *being*. it's existential to the very core.

your state of being is *unacceptable*. your being is *unacceptable*. your existance is *unacceptable*. your very humanity is *unacceptable*.

why am *i* not ashamed of the gospel? i am not ashamed of the gospel because i am not ashamed *in* the gospel - it is the only *place* of being where there IS NO SHAME...!!!!!

to me, that is the essence of shame. being unable to stand, to justify one's own existance or state of being. of not being *ok*.... even where God has said we *are* ok, even though it's ok - in fact preferred! - that we are *not* ok!!! (He has chosen the weak and foolish over the 'ok' - 1 Cor 17:27-29)

it's the difference between being *in* error, and being *an* error.
it's the difference between being a human with flaws, and being flawed for being human.
it's the difference between "here i am, just little ol' me", and "here i am, but i shouldn't be".

and the gospel that brought me to Jesus is the very reason why, when i've done all i can do, i *can* stand, unashamed, accepted, wanted. but where shame is the experience of being so existentially flawed that i should not even exist, "Jesus....who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the throne of God..." He went to the place where my very shame dictates i should go.... He went in my place. He removed my shame. in Him, and only in Him, can i stand, can i be, can i live and move and have my being....

Eph 6:13 keeps coming to mind: "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.".... i see a hill, a battlefield wasteland, littered with bodies, the enemy crowing, fierce, towering above..... "see, you are nothing!" .... and i am in rags, bloody, weary, alone, defenseless, my weapons stolen from my very hands, no help around me - no friend or angel or army of God....... and *yet*....... nevertheless..... i straighten my knees and rise to stand on my feet.... i stand, frail, in defiance, the enemy having done all he can to defeat me; me having done all, exhausting my every resource.... yet he *cannot* take away my being... my existence, my state of being.....my position in Christ.... me. he may be able to take my life (according to the will of God, of course) - but he *cannot* cast me down....he cannot take my humanity from me, my acceptance away from me, my redemption, my inheritance, or my status as a child of God. i can *stand* before the enemy, with nothing left to fight with, and no strength or resources within myself to call upon, with no weapon other than the sheer knowledge that *i am loved* by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and knowing *nothing* can take that away.... and so i stand - i can stand, and i *will* stand - having done all... defiant, victorious, secure, in peace, and UNASHAMED.

if the gospel, in effect, un-ashamed me.....how could i ever be ashamed of the gospel?

1 comment:

  1. oh lynne - *that* was possibly the best thing Ive read in a loooong while. Thank you so much for posting that.

    uhhh btw - once more - I need your phone# - could you email it to me, or post me a message on FB?

    ReplyDelete

Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "
Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter