When the rod fails
Dear Mother, as we said, you cannot depend on spanking Sue into compliance. Do not fail to spank, but don’t expect it to work until you have made some other adjustments. And when you do spank, make sure that it is forceful enough to get her undivided attention. If she can scream "huggie" while you are spanking her, you are probably not spanking hard enough.
oh! i see! if the child can still scream, spank harder? spank until they are unable to scream? i can see where advise like this, given to mothers who are at wits end, can end tragically.
immediately following....
Do not allow 15 seconds to lapse between the offense and the spanking. And do not allow more than 10 feet between the place of the offense and the place of spanking. The association is essential. Don’t hug her in reference to the spanking. That is an apology, and it is a diversion from the issues. Again, spanking will not be the deciding factor, but it will help keep the pressure on.
spank immediately, when you are likely most angry?
spank right there, in public, in front of everybody else?
no hugs or apologies for having used violence (if the advice above to spank harder was followed!)?
i keep reading, hoping to find some redeeming thing about the pearl's.... but i have found none.
You can get an intercom and mount it high on the wall so you can hear everything that goes on in her room. Don’t let her know that her room is bugged. If you can’t get the intercom, you may have to sleep outside her room. If she gets out of bed, go in there, and without saying a word, give her one or two licks—whatever it takes to get her back in bed. If she rushes to obey when she hears you coming, give her five licks anyway.
Do not drag her to the bed. It is important that she exercise her own will to obey. If she throws a screaming fit, give her several moderate licks every few minutes and wait beside her until she is so tired she obeys. Do this all night long, every night, until she readily complies.
If she puts her shoes on backwards, do not threaten or complain, just commence giving her licks right on her feet or ankles until she gets her shoes on the right feet. If she takes her shoes off in the yard, do not warn her, just go out in the yard and spank her feet until she finds her shoes and puts them back on.
Yikes...those quotes left me speechless! I still don't get the whole "dominate" your child idea. Your children are people and if you can teach mutual respect, admiration and consequence rather than DOMINATION...there will be positive results.
ReplyDeleteOy!
(good post BTW)
While I do not agree with everything the Pearls have to say their teachings have helped me tremendously.
ReplyDeleteExamples of good things -
Always speak directly to your children, not yelling from another room.
Slow responses and delayed responses are usually attempts at defiance and should be addressed.
Never ever repeat yourself. (this is a huge parental flaw - "okay Johnny, I said to do X, now i'm not going to tell you again" etc.)
Never make idle threats.
Do not spank when angry.
Etc.
One thing I noticed is that you make an equivocation fallacy by calling spanking 'violence'. The Lord speaks of spanking 'the use of the rod' many times in Scripture as the means of correction for the raising up of our children. By calling spanking 'violence' you are putting a pejorative on God Himself.
Lastly, training is the key to having compliant children. The key is to break the rebellious will without killing the spirit. Of course the most important aspect is to evangelize your children by using moments of discipline/correction to tell them about sin/repentance/grace/mercy/condemnation and salvation. You can have obedient children, but their souls perish.
I agree that some of the Pearl's methods are a bit over the top, but one should not throw the baby out with the bath water. In a world that labels everyting a disease and medicates children for the sins of their parents I welcome good ole fashioned discipline as long as it is metered out with love.
thanks for your input, nutria boy! :D
ReplyDeletei would be interested in if you have ever heard of a legitimate source of the shepherds rod being turned on the sheep? i have not been able to find one, other than merely hearsay. other than the (to me) questionable interpretation of 'the rod' to mean turning it upon the child, i have found nothing to support child-beating.
also, if you read further in my blog, you will find that i am not totally anti-spanking. it can be done right. but it is all to often done wrong. and it is all to often violence, pure and simple. in most of what i quoted i can see nothing loving about it at all. is all spanking violence? no. i didn't say it was, yet you implied that i did.
the example of staying outside the girls room until she conforms sounds all to much like abusive mind control. brainwashing. and not the good kind of "brainwashing".
i have to say, in all my years of straying from my Father, He never once whipped me, beat me, or tried to forcibly break my will. He never once used violence on me. so for me to say that MUCH spanking is violence is in now way perjorative to Him. His correction is gentle, never mean. He woos, He changes our heart, He reshapes my clay, but He never shattered me. sin does that job all to well.
why dig through dirty bathwater in a questionable tub, to find baby.... when baby is in the clean water over yonder in the inflatable pool? those same 'pearl's of wisdom' (pun not intended, actually) can be found elsewhere.
and i whole heartedly disagree with "Slow responses and delayed responses are usually attempts at defiance and should be addressed." that blows me away. it can be any number of things, uncertainty, fear, sleepiness, even a slightly slower-to-process brain (that would be me, all my life).... that is the kind of blanket statement that i strongly dislike, becuase if it is assumed the child is disobedient when in reality they are struggling to process or deal with fear etc, they can be greatly wounded.
but again, i do thank you for your comment. other views are always fascinating and valuable to hear. it's a great thing that we can have differing views and still respect those with different views! :D blessings!