allowed to be

sometimes there is so much unspoken condemnation of just being where one is at.

"God loves us as we are, BUT He loves us too much to leave us as we are."

this is true, and i don't disagree with it at all.... BUT.

any sentence (clause, phrase) followed by BUT has some kind of negation to it (at least in the english language, lol).

the silent implication, at least to my mind, is that while He loves me where i am at, i am not enough - i need to be fixed - and then what? His love will be more? truer? better?.....


you know what? God loves us 100% now, where we are at - and He is not witholding anything, waiting for the day we are changed and are fixed and are all better - before He will REALLY love us, because guess what, then we will be more deserving of it? huh?

something screwy with that train of thought, eh? that 'works' mentality creeps in any crack it can find. (and...it demonstrates how the english language can be soooooo open to interpretation.... and thus can bring either blessing or cursing into our lives, or others, if we don't vet what we are reading/saying/believing constantly and with discernment........)

and i gotta say, when a teenie weenie crack opens up to condemnation, *i* need to address it right away. even if it means walking out on people or a meeting and going and being by myself... and then talking to myself and speaking to myself with truth.

needless to say, i talk to myself a *lot*, lol.

going back to the main thrust of my argument (gee, i sound like i'm in school!), God loves me where i am at, with no expectation of my improvement (which would enable Him to love me better), because, guess what, He does not despise His captive people.

i am allowed to BE captive. to BE sad. to BE discouraged. to BE fallable. because if that's where i am at any given time, that's just where i'm at, and that's fine.

nobody please get on my back with "but He doesn't want you stay there".... i know that. i know His aim is to grow me and heal me. but being where i am at right now, is where i am at right now, God is sovereign, He ordained this time in my life, and it is OK. it's OK!

i am not somehow bad because i am not perfect yet, hello. that's a big DUH in my book, so much a duh that it almost goes without saying..... but in saying "God loves us the way we are, BUT He loves us too much to leave us the way we are" we leave open a crack for condemnation that where we are is just not good enough.

in and of itself, of course it's not good enough! i've fallen short in everything! i am in a fallen state, and that in and of itself is not a great thing!.....

....except that Jesus redeemed me, purchased me as His treasured possession, and, if you will, took me home with Him, just as i am. in His love for me, i was enough... i am enough... for Him to pay the price for me.

He is the one who places value on me, and in His eyes, i am enough. i am who i am at this current moment because God loves me, and is taking me on the lifelong path of sanctification and healing, and where i am at IS enough. .... if it wasn't enough, God could perfect me instantly. but like mike said on sunday (or was it at prayer?) - if God dealt with everything in our lives that needs to be dealt with ALL AT ONCE, we would go insane! (i think i am there already, tho!)

but God chooses to spare us that. He is gentle with us, just as we are. where i am at is OK with Him. it may or may not be, in the future, the same place i am at right now, but right now it is where i am at, and that's OK. He's allowed me to be at this place at this time in this state.... so what does that mean?....

.....if this is the state/place/condition/person that He has currently allowed for me to be, what does that mean?....

it means that i am ok, that i am not a bad thing....

....that i don't have to apologize for being me....

....that i am allowed to be.