Sunday, September 28, 2008

to move or not to move

ah yes, bleh.

(as an aside, i wonder if i write too much in this blog and thus cause anything i write that is of note or value to be buried in a landslide of words???)

anyhoo.

basically, i cannot afford to live here, pay the bills, and eat. one or more would have to go.

car's done for now, already taken out of the equation.

(how was i managing? with a little help from the uncle ie. mom's estate... but i'm not going to put up with the demeaning bullshit anymore...)

i love where i am, i love my neighbors, it's well kept inside (no mold), it's all good.

at the same time i struggle with basic housework, life organization, and get utterly overwhelmed by everything to the point of non-functioning.... and i want to bail, have a bonfire somewhere and burn all my personal/historical stuff, get rid of everything else, and live out of a suitcase in some room somewhere. or a tent (i have a pretty warm sleeping bag!).

i'm not kidding, or exaggerating.

perhaps this is too transparent to say (or depressing) but i don't even want to be here anymore. i mean here - on earth.
2Cr 5:6-8
So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
i'm tired.

so how the hell can i even think about moving?! ...but then how the heck am i going to live if i don't? i just can't deal with this.

i am weak, Lord. be my strength. i have none. and i can't find Yours. :'(
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4 comments:

  1. Darci8:42 a.m.

    Clover, I will be praying for you. It's so hard to know what to do. But if your mom's estate was left to you, then I think you should stick up for yourself in that case (but I dont know the details) Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. TimW10:04 p.m.

    The most important things in life are already paid for, including His strength for you, not to mention His righteousness. Aren't you glad that He picked up the tab for that! He has not forgotten you. He has not forsaken you. His love for you flows out of an infinite source that cannot be stopped, or hindered! He paid a great price for you, you are His joy, His delight!

    ReplyDelete
  3. TimW10:15 p.m.

    May I add additional context to the scripture in 2 Cor. 5 and that is one found in John 10:10b, "I came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jenny3:54 p.m.

    Hey Lynne, I hope you are doing okay these days...
    :)

    ReplyDelete

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Outcast, Adopted.

THIS BLOG IS IN NEED OF AN OVERHAUL. there are posts from years back i would not be able to post in good conscience now. i plan to overhaul the blog, and either delete or add a disclaimer to those posts. but that is gonna take time....

The Radical Summons: "Therefore let us go to Him outside the camp and bear the reproach He endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come." Hebrews 13:13.

"The Spirit never loosens where the Word binds; the Spirit never justifies where the Word condemns; the Spirit never approves where the Word disapproves; the Spirit never blesses where the Word curses." —Thomas Brooks

‎"God receives none but those who are forsaken, restores health to none but those who are sick, gives sight to none but the blind, and life to none but the dead. He does not give saintliness to any but sinners, nor wisdom to any but fools. In short: He has mercy on none but the wretched and gives grace to none but those who are in disgrace. Therefore no arrogant saint, or just or wise man can be material for God, neither can he do the work of God, but he remains confined within his own work and makes of himself a fictitious, ostensible, false, and deceitful saint, that is, a hypocrite." --Martin Luther (W.A. 1.183ff)

i will not let You go: "Jacob's sense of his total debility and utter defeat is now the secret of his power with his friendly Vanquisher. God can overthrow all the prowess of the self-reliant, but He cannot resist the earnest entreaty of the helpless." --Albert Barnes

i will not let You go: "Jacob's determination did not flow from his strength, it flowed from his weakness." --Charles Leiter