in my God's Timing post, i worked through a few thoughts i had about .... yeah, God's timing. well i'm glad i had that time of meditation on that and working it out, cuz God was preparing me (and this morning raoul preached on preparing which totally confirmed many things in my mind!) for the mind games the enema tried to play on me tonight.
EXPECTATION - do more, do better, do more, it's not good enough, you have to do more
GUILT - you arent doing enough, bad servant of God!
STUPID - stupid stupid girl with her stupid stupid questions
of course, he wants to 'rain on my parade'. this weekend it's been an awesome time in our church, today was the bestest yet.... and tonight we were given many great ideas for growing in some practical areas.... and me, who takes everything into ME (i try to never think this message is for *other* people, y'know? lol), AND who had very little/bad sleep last night (makes it harder to think!) got all bogged down in it.
of course, what i also got tonight - and all weekend- which the enema wants to steal, is:
ENCOURAGEMENT - when going through the above (love ya, moriah! thanks!)
VISION AND INSPIRATION - but of course, God spoke! lol
ACCEPTANCE
PASSION
BELONGING and LOVE
CONVICTION and CONFIRMATION on where God wants me/has me....
and one thing i have learned, which helps greatly when it comes to fear of man, for me, is knowing that people are not perfect, the only source of 100% pure food is straight from God. not that that is a criticism of people at all!!!!!!! it's just the knowledge that when we are getting mixed or unclear or misunderstood messages (from people, our own ideas, other sources, the enemy, etc) the answer, the clarity, comes only from the hand of God directly. straight from the Horse's mouth, lol. it is VERY IMPORTANT to seek God directly, KNOWING He speaks to each of us if we SEEK Him (yup yup, good word raoul)..... and that He ordains it for people to not be able to give us the whole of our food, because if we could get it ALL from people we would not seek Him, depend on Him, y'know?
for example, on friday when i went up for prayer, i did *not* get prayed for, i think i was the only one who didn't get prayed for....... and that's totally OK..... becuase God has told me before, on the many, many occasions that i have gone up for prayer and *not* been prayed over, that if i'm not prayed over, it's because what God has to say to me, He can say directly to me. it's been part of His teaching me to lean on Him, not on man. if i'm disappointed because someone didn't pray from me, where is my fountain, my source? in man, or God? but i go up for prayer anyways, becuase i want to be open and willing to hear from Him in any ways He chooses to speak to me. (and someone prayed for me later, lol)
another facet of this is that frequently on sundays, it's like God confirms what He's spoken to me during those times. so for me, feeling "that's pretty much where i'm at right now" during a sunday message does *not* mean i'm contented with the status quo or stopped growing, etc, (i reaaaly dislike such blanket statements!)... it's becuase it's often so much of what God has spoken to me in my heart, it just resonates like it's familiar and comfortable for me already, cuz God's already *just* planted it there, lol! it's totally God's comforting, encouraging CONFIRMATION.
mush, mush, mush, i just WUV my Jesus!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
*******
one last thought: ..... i forgot it. sheesh!
oh, i remember now..... when i think of building bridges, and reaching out to people, i don't think of business people and professionals and doctors and lalala.... that's so far from reality for me it's hilarious. i think of the broken and hurting people on the side of the road, who are so far from the reality of the professionals and business peoples..... a church focussed on reaching professionals and business peoples primarily, in a town with such a mixed demographic like this....?. HA. i don't know about yous all, but a church with color co-ordinated soap and coffee cups seems so extraneous as to be almost repelling to someone like me.... if that is what is important is color co-ordinating soaps with coffee cups when i can hardly afford groceries and bills and gas and my own soap, never mind decorating my house or coordinating my soaps to my hand towels, how am i going to relate to that church? if the local church in a small, depressed economy is focussing it's ministry time to co-ordinating soaps when there are hurting people to heal and drunks needing deliverance and the lonely needing family.... how am i, or them, going to relate to that?
i can't, at this point, sweep all my mess in the corners and tidy up and pretty up my house when i'm having company.... for now, opening my doors and saying welcome to my mess, i love you and sorry it's a mess but i'm opening my doors to you anyways becuase i love you and i'm not going to forsake fellowship for shame of my poor decorating and cleaning skills... that's about where i'm at. so i *SO* can NOT relate to 'prettying up' for guests. not that it's in itself a bad thing, but it's just that hospitality and welcoming and loving is so NOT about externals. we could have the shabbiest church building, that is so filled with love, and then feels like the most beautiful church in the world. yeah, put up some signs so people know which door to go into.... but don't think we need a $1.5 million dollar facility to effectively do the work of God! glitz and wealth can be so.... alienating... to people like me, *if* it seems to be extraneous, unneccesary, or wasteful.
i feel concerned that we do not trade the secondary externals for the more important heart of what it is to be the body of Christ - love, welcome, joy, acceptance, freedom, love, love and more love.
maybe i can't be an appropriately chatty and social greeter at the doors, or concern myself about color co-ordinateding the foyer.... but i can tell hurting hearts that Jesus loves them, that Jesus forgives them, bind up their wounds, break their bonds, speak truth and debunk the lies of the enemy.... so i'm not totally useless, am i? SO THERE, enemy, SO THERE. consider that lie CRUSHED.
No comments:
Post a Comment